I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
Coldly said the Soul: ‘You were self-centered, for all your
self-sacrifice. You reckoned it your duty to care for your sister.
It was also your irresistible delight. And after her death you took
self-satisfaction in self-sacrifice: smug--smug. For me there was a
laming distortion in it all.’
Said I: ‘Tell me some other life.’
Said the Soul: ‘You were once a little thief in the streets of a
later London. You picked pockets, you stole bits of food in Covent
Garden market, you pilfered shop-tills, you systematically worked the
wealthy throngs as they came from the Opera at midnight. You were
known to the police as the cleverest child-thief in London.’
It warmed my vanity to think of myself as clever in so theatric a
rôle as thief.
Said I: ‘How did that life like you?’
Said the Soul, with a shrug of her delicate shoulders: ‘I had little
to do with it and that in a negative way. My part in you was to keep
up your heart in hungry hunted days. You were neither a good thing
nor a bad thing: perishingly passive. And you were dead in a potter’s
field before your sixteenth birthday.’
Said I: ‘How did the little Thief look?’
Said the Soul: ‘You were sufficiently ugly--an undersized form, a
gamin face, bastard features.’
Said I: ‘And I daresay ignorant?’
Said the Soul: ‘Ignorant of everything rated useful, but wise to the
under-sides of human nature and in the sordid viciousness of London
slums. And singularly shrewd--what is called philosophical.’
Said I: ‘Pray tell me another life.’
Said the Soul: ‘An earlier time--Paris, some century before the
Terror saw you a slim _fille-du-pavè_, a prostitute of a low cheap
type, but with more brain, more of what is termed character than you
have ever possessed. You had wit, will, _esprit_, determination.
From having been at seventeen most obscenely of the streets you
were at thirty a wonderfully grand courtesan: no better in what are
called morals but possessed of very much inner and outer strength and
luster. You were _chère-aimèe_ to men of brain, men of importance
to the state, whose acts were shaded by your influence. And you
achieved unusual wealth chiefly by the powers and strategies of
your character. You lived in the extreme of luxury of that time and
of your type--a delicate luxury, almost high-bred. You were wanton
in amour, being physically extremely passionate, but admirably
straightforward and strong in each matter and aspect of your life.’
Said I: ‘You admired her?’
Said the Soul: ‘I was serene and vividly alive within you. You were
in all ways, simply and completely, an honest woman, and for the only
time.’
Said I: ‘How could she be honest, since she lived by exchanging
treasure of much personal economic value for cheap cheapest gold,
trash, and a besmirched name: and all through two sorts of greed?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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