I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
Said the Soul: ‘You were honest since you made no pretense of any
kind to yourself. You took no gold that you did not logically,
humanly or shamefully earn. You were consciously and unconsciously
above all subterfuge. You wrought no ruin nor error nor darkness
upon your own spirit or any other. You deceived neither yourself nor
anyone about you. The tone of your life was of sun-shining simplicity
and cleanness. There was no greed in you. You saw your way of life
before you and lived it without degradation, with a positiveness of
strength.’
It is as if my Soul’s view and mine were infinitely separate from
being narrowly paralleled. The portrait was mystically familiar: but
not by her light.
Said I: ‘Was she beautiful to look at?’
Said the Soul: ‘You were beautiful in a pallid saintlike French
manner--an uncertain type of beauty which fatigue or depression
turns to plainness. You had but little light charm of prettiness.
But you had what counts for more than beauty: the nerve and verve
of attractiveness, the force and fascination of physical being, the
fragrance, the _flair_ of the deeply-sexed woman. In one phase you
were constantly preying and preyed upon, but with high valors of
attack and endurance.’
Said I: ‘Did she live in peace--had she no times of suffering?’
Said the Soul: ‘You had hours of violent bitter suffering. Paris
has always accepted without countenancing the properous cocotte.
And often you were infamously insulted at street-crossings by
soldiers and _sergeants-de-ville_ as you drove out in your small
bright-colored carriage. And you were hailed with opprobrious
appropriate names by the ragged populace as they picked up silver
pieces which you threw among them. Such things were stinging brands
and lashes to you. But you bore yourself with entire courage. You
gave much money to churches and charities but looked on such acts in
yourself rightly as some slight weakness which would, however, be of
benefit to the starving poor. I can not describe--so you could grasp
it--the peace, the expansion, the freedom for me in that life and in
that attitude.’
The exact outlook of the Soul throws over me a veil of wistfulness,
bewilderness, freedness, lostness which hides the material moorings
of my life and casts me adrift on broad clouded seas.
Said I: ‘What was the end of that--how did she die?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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