I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human DaysMacLane, Mary
General
I, Mary MacLane: A Diary of Human Days
MacLane, Mary
MacLane, Mary, 1881-1929; Montana -- Biography; Women authors, American -- Biography
Said the Soul: ‘You died exquisitely, of syphilitic disorders. You
were something past forty, badly broken--your looks were gone, your
friends were gone, your money was not gone but it was of little use
to you. But you smiled serenely and lived up personally and mentally
to your smile. A surgeon and a fat mustached old woman saw you die in
the beginning of that bodily rot--the just portion of the passionate
whore--one sweet Spring dawn, with birds twittering in green branches
outside your window and a great gold sun slowly breaking the mist.
Then for once I left you with reluctance. I clung to you. The kiss of
me was last on your fainting brain and your fast-cooling heart. For
I was leaving, in an agony of my own, an _honest_ person. And I knew
not what might be my next petty prison.’
Said I: ‘What was my next life?’
Said the Soul: ‘It was not so petty as were some others. You were
next--about seventeen-fifty--a quaint extremely common little person.
You were apprenticed as a child to a milliner in Liverpool, England.
You grew out of that and became a dancer in a dingy theatre--a cheap
bedraggled life. You were a cheap and bedraggled young woman. You
wore odd gay tawdry frocks, hideous little shoes, ragged raveled
silk hose, surprising bright bonnets. Your mind was a shallow pool
filled with tales from shilling shockers and penny dreadfuls in which
you believed implicitly. You were mentally degenerate, organically
a fool, a wonderful snob. You wanted only wealth and place bitterly
to deride and browbeat the low class to which you belonged--not
from lack of heart but because you believed it to be the proper
aristocratic manner. And what you wanted in mind you made up in
temper. You quarreled, you came to blows, with your fellow-dancers in
any of a half-score of small selfish daily disputes. Cleverness among
you consisted in gaining any possible advantage over the others and
in calling each other names. Also in maneuvering bits of money--as
much as might be--from unpleasing men who hung about the dingy
play-house. On holidays you were invariably half-drunk.’
Said I: ‘And wherein was she not petty?’
Said the Soul: ‘You believed in yourself. You had not a doubt you
belonged in worldly high places but were kept down by the malice and
depravity of human nature, people about you. And you lived up to your
vulgar ideal of ambition. There was a simplicity, an enlightening
pathos in you then which was lacking in the linen-draper’s lodger.’
In my flawed way I saw that, but objected to the bygone Liverpool
lady from many an angle.
Said I: ‘Had I no life of a sweetness and gentleness and with it
something that buoyed and bore you on?’
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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