Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
General
Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
The owner of the cauliflower is stung. She points out the beauties of
that cauliflower. Apparently it is the cauliflower out of all her stock
she loves the best; a better cauliflower never lived; if there were more
cauliflowers in the world like this particular cauliflower things might
be different. She gives a sketch of the cauliflower’s career, from its
youth upwards. Hard enough it will be for her when the hour for parting
from it comes. If the other lady has not sufficient knowledge of
cauliflowers to appreciate it, will she kindly not paw it about, but put
it down and go away, and never let the owner of the cauliflower see her
again.
The other lady, more as a friend than as a purchaser, points out the
cauliflower’s defects. She wishes well to the owner of the cauliflower,
and would like to teach her something about her business. A lady who
thinks such a cauliflower worth six _sous_ can never hope to succeed as a
cauliflower vendor. Has she really taken the trouble to examine the
cauliflower for herself, or has love made her blind to its shortcomings?
The owner of the cauliflower is too indignant to reply. She snatches it
away, appears to be comforting it, replaces it in the basket. The other
lady is grieved at human obstinacy and stupidity in general. If the
owner of the cauliflower had had any sense she would have asked four
_sous_. Eventually business is done at five.
It is the custom everywhere abroad—asking the price of a thing is simply
opening conversation. A lady told me that, the first day she began
housekeeping in Florence, she handed over to a poulterer for a chicken
the price he had demanded—with protestations that he was losing on the
transaction, but wanted, for family reasons, apparently, to get rid of
the chicken. He stood for half a minute staring at her, and then, being
an honest sort of man, threw in a pigeon.
Foreign housekeepers starting business in London appear hurt when our
tradesmen decline to accept half-a-crown for articles marked
three-and-six.
“Then why mark it only three-and-sixpence?” is the foreign housekeeper’s
argument.
SHOULD MARRIED MEN PLAY GOLF?
THAT we Englishmen attach too much importance to sport goes without
saying—or, rather, it has been said so often as to have become a
commonplace. One of these days some reforming English novelist will
write a book, showing the evil effects of over-indulgence in sport: the
neglected business, the ruined home, the slow but sure sapping of the
brain—what there may have been of it in the beginning—leading to
semi-imbecility and yearly increasing obesity.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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