Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
“Yeth; you’ll hear it a bit oftener during the next eighteen month or
tho. You take care you don’t get tired of hearing it, thath all,” he
laughed. “Yeth,” he continued, thoughtfully, “Reynoldth ith played out.
Nothing much to be made of Gainthborough, either. Dealing in that lot
now, why, it’th like keeping a potht offith. Hoppner’th the coming man.”
“You’ve been buying Hoppners up cheap,” I suggested.
“Between uth,” he answered, “yeth, I think we’ve got them all. Maybe a
few more. I don’t think we’ve mithed any.”
“You will sell them for more than you gave for them,” I hinted.
“You’re thmart,” he answered, regarding me admiringly, “you thee through
everything you do.”
“How do you work it?” I asked him. There is a time in the day when he is
confidential. “Here is this man, Hoppner. I take it that you have
bought him up at an average of a hundred pounds a picture, and that at
that price most owners were fairly glad to sell. Few folks outside the
art schools have ever heard of him. I bet that at the present moment
there isn’t one art critic who could spell his name without reference to
a dictionary. In eighteen months you will be selling him for anything
from one thousand to ten thousand pounds. How is it done?”
“How ith everything done that’th done well?” he answered. “By earnetht
effort.” He hitched his chair nearer to me, “I get a chap—one of your
thort of chapth—he writ’th an article about Hoppner. I get another to
anthwer him. Before I’ve done there’ll be a hundred articleth about
Hoppner—hith life, hith early thruggie, anecdo’th about hith wife. Then
a Hoppner will be thold at public auchtion for a thouthand guineath.”
“But how can you be certain it will fetch a thousand guineas?” I
interrupted.
“I happen to know the man whoth going to buy it.” He winked, and I
understood.
“A fortnight later there will be a thale of half-a-dothen, and the prithe
will be gone up by that time.”
“And after that?” I said.
“After that,” he replied, rising, “the American millionaire! He’ll jutht
be waiting on the door-thtep for the thale-room to open.”
“If by any chance I come across a Hoppner?” I said, laughing, as I turned
to go.
“Don’t you hold on to it too long, that’th all,” was his advice.
HOW MANY CHARMS HATH MUSIC, WOULD YOU SAY?
THE argument of the late Herr Wagner was that grand opera—the music
drama, as he called it—included, and therefore did away with the
necessity for—all other arts. Music in all its branches, of course, it
provides: so much I will concede to the late Herr Wagner. There are
times, I confess, when my musical yearnings might shock the late Herr
Wagner—times when I feel unequal to following three distinct themes at
one and the same instant.
“Listen,” whispers the Wagnerian enthusiast to me, “the cornet has now
the Brunnhilda motive.” It seems to me, in my then state of depravity,
as if the cornet had even more than this the matter with him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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