Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
As I have said, there would have been ructions; but I do not myself see
what could have been done. There was nothing in the bond to the effect
that Faust should not marry, so far as we are told. The Old Man had a
sense of humour. My own opinion is that, after getting over the first
annoyance, he himself would have seen the joke. I can even picture him
looking in now and again on Mr. and Mrs. Faust. The children would be
hurried off to bed. There would be, for a while, an atmosphere of
constraint.
But the Old Man had a way with him. He would have told one or two
stories at which Marguerite would have blushed, at which Faust would have
grinned. I can see the old fellow occasionally joining the homely social
board. The children, awed at first, would have sat silent, with staring
eyes. But, as I have said, the Old Man had a way with him. Why should
he not have reformed? The good woman’s unconsciously exerted
influence—the sweet childish prattle! One hears of such things. Might
he not have come to be known as “Nunkie”?
Myself—I believe I have already mentioned it—I would not have married
Marguerite. She is not my ideal of a good girl. I never liked the way
she deceived her mother. And that aunt of hers! Well, a nice girl would
not have been friends with such a woman. She did not behave at all too
well to Sybil, either. It is clear to me that she led the boy on. And
what was she doing with that box of jewels, anyhow? She was not a fool.
She could not have gone every day to that fountain, chatted with those
girl friends of hers, and learnt nothing. She must have known that
people don’t go leaving twenty thousand pounds’ worth of jewels about on
doorsteps as part of a round game. Her own instinct, if she had been a
good girl, would have told her to leave the thing alone.
I don’t believe in these innocent people who do not know what they are
doing half their time. Ask any London magistrate what he thinks of the
lady who explains that she picked up the diamond brooch:—
“Not meaning, of course, your Worship, to take it. I would not do such a
thing. It just happened this way, your Worship. I was standing as you
might say here, and not seeing anyone about in the shop I opened the case
and took it out, thinking as perhaps it might belong to someone; and then
this gentleman here, as I had not noticed before, comes up quite suddenly
and says; ‘You come along with me,’ he says. ‘What for,’ I says, ‘when I
don’t even know you?’ I says. ‘For stealing,’ he says. ‘Well, that’s a
hard word to use to a lady,’ I says; ‘I don’t know what you mean, I’m
sure.’”
And if she had put them all on, not thinking, what would a really nice
girl have done when the gentleman came up and assured her they were hers?
She would have been thirty seconds taking them off and flinging them back
into the box.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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