Idle Ideas in 1905Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
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Idle Ideas in 1905
Jerome, Jerome K. (Jerome Klapka)
English essays; English wit and humor
There could have been a garden. Marguerite might have kept chickens and
a cow. That sort of girl, brought up to hard work and by no means too
well educated, is all the better for having something to do. Later, with
the gradual arrival of the family, a good, all-round woman might have
been hired in to assist. Faust, of course, would have had his study and
got to work again; that would have kept him out of further mischief. The
idea that a brainy man, his age, was going to be happy with nothing to do
all day but fool round a petticoat was ridiculous from the beginning.
Valentine—a good fellow, Valentine, with nice ideas—would have spent his
Saturdays to Monday with them. Over a pipe and a glass of wine, he and
Faust would have discussed the local politics.
He would have danced the children on his knee, have told them tales about
the war—taught the eldest boy to shoot. Faust, with a practical man like
Valentine to help him, would probably have invented a new gun. Valentine
would have got it taken up.
Things might have come of it. Sybil, in course of time, would have
married and settled down—perhaps have taken a little house near to them.
He and Marguerite would have joked—when Mrs. Sybil was not around—about
his early infatuation. The old mother would have toddled over from
Nürnberg—not too often, just for the day.
The picture grows upon one the more one thinks of it. Why did it never
occur to them? There would have been a bit of a bother with the Old Man.
I can imagine Mephistopheles being upset about it, thinking himself
swindled. Of course, if that was the reason—if Faust said to himself:
“I should like to marry the girl, but I won’t do it; it would not be fair
to the Old Man; he has been to a lot of trouble working this thing up; in
common gratitude I cannot turn round now and behave like a decent,
sensible man; it would not be playing the game”—if this was the way Faust
looked at the matter there is nothing more to be said. Indeed, it shows
him in rather a fine light—noble, if quixotic.
If, on the other hand, he looked at the question from the point of view
of himself and the girl, I think the thing might have been managed. All
one had to do in those days when one wanted to get rid of the Devil was
to show him a sword hilt. Faust and Marguerite could have slipped into a
church one morning, and have kept him out of the way with a sword hilt
till the ceremony was through. They might have hired a small boy:
“You see the gentleman in red? Well, he wants us and we don’t want him.
That is the only difference between us. Now, you take this sword, and
when you see him coming show him the hilt. Don’t hurt him; just show him
the sword and shake your head. He will understand.”
The old gentleman’s expression, when subsequently Faust presented him to
Marguerite, would have been interesting:
“Allow me, my wife. My dear, a—a friend of mine. You may remember
meeting him that night at your aunt’s.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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