This time, it was in an unsavory back-street; some dirty children were
playing in the gutters, and a tall, rather flashily dressed man was
walking along some distance ahead, carrying something in one hand.
Helwyse at first mended his pace to overtake the fellow, and ask the
way to the hotel. But he presently changed his purpose, his attention
being drawn to the oddity of the other's behavior.
The man was evidently one of those who live much alone, and so
contract unconscious habits, against which society offers the only
safeguard. He was absorbed in some imaginary dialogue; and so
imperfectly could his fleshly veil conceal his mental processes, that
he gesticulated everything that passed through his mind. These
gestures, though perfectly apparent to a steady observer, were so far
kept within bounds as not to get more than momentary notice from the
passers-by, who, indeed, found metal more attractive to their gaze in
Helwyse.
Now did the man draw his head back and spread out his arms, as in
surprise and repudiation; now his shoulders rose high, in deprecation
or disclaimer. Now his forefinger cunningly sought the side of his
nose; now his fist shook in an imaginary face. At times he would
stretch out a pleading arm and neck; the next moment he was an
inflexible tyrant, spurning a suppliant. Again he would break into a
soundless chuckle; then, raising his hand to his forehead, seem
overwhelmed with despair and anguish. Occasionally he would walk some
distance quite passively, only glancing furtively about him; but
erelong he would forget himself again, and the dialogue would begin
anew.
Balder watched the man curiously, but without seeming to perceive the
rather grisly similitude between the latter's vagaries and his own.
"What an ugly thing the inside of this person seems to be!" he said.
"But then, whose thoughts and emotions would not render him a
laughing-stock if they could be seen? If everybody looked, to his
fellow, as he really is, or even as he looks to himself, mankind would
fly asunder, and think the stars hiding-places not remote enough! How
many men in the world could walk from one end of the street they live
in to the other, talking and acting their inmost thoughts all the way,
and retain a bit of anybody's respect or love afterwards? No wonder
Heaven is pure, if, our spiritual bodies are only thoughts and
feelings! and a Hell where every devil saw his fellow's deformity
outwardly manifested would be Hell indeed!
"But that can't be. Angels behold their own loveliness, because doing
so makes them lovelier; but no devil could know his own vileness and
live. They think their hideousness charming, and, when the darkness is
thickest about them, most firmly believe themselves in Heaven. But the
light of Heaven would be real darkness to them, for a ray of it would
strike them blind!"
Helwyse was too prone to moralizing. It shall not be our cue to quote
him, save when to do so may seem to serve an ulterior purpose.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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