If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. Notsomuchinson — John Shaqi
If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. NotsomuchinsonPain, Barry
General
If Winter Don't: A.B.C.D.E.F. Notsomuchinson
Pain, Barry
Hutchinson, A. S. M. (Arthur Stuart-Menteth), 1880-1971. If winter comes; Parodies
"Do you talk it over with Mabel? Isn't Mabel tremendously proud of
it?"
"She is tremendously proud, but she has great self-restraint." He
recalled the end of the perfect day. "As a general rule," he added,
"when nothing happens to irritate her."
"Does she love you very much?"
"I don't remember her mentioning anything of the kind recently. But
it's you I want to talk about, Jona. Tell me about your life."
"I don't live. I'm marking time. You throw a brick into the
stream----"
"No," said Luke, "not a brick. I sometimes play boats."
"I was going to say," Jona continued, "that the brick remains
motionless while the stream goes past it."
"But cannot we apply the principle of relativity here?" he asked. "May
it not be that the stream stands still while the brick goes past it?
It would appear so to the brick."
"That's one of your dinky, thinky thoughts, isn't it?"
A sound of uproar, of crashes and loud voices, came up from the street
below.
"I wonder what that is?" said Luke.
"It's Bill, probably. He said he'd call for me." She crossed over to
the window and looked out. "Yes, that's Bill. Driving the team of
zebras he got from Doom Dagshaw. The horses don't seem to like it.
There's a cart and horse just gone in at that draper's window. Quite a
number of horses seem to have fallen down on the pavement. There's a
policeman with a note-book. He seems to be asking Bill questions. And
Bill's making him laugh. He manages those zebras perfectly. He does
everything well."
Luke had joined her at the window. "Who's the lady sitting beside
him?" he asked.
"One of his harem. Staying with us. Don't pity me. I deserve nothing.
I made a mistake once. Don't ask me what. Don't come down with me.
Good-bye, Lukie, dear."
Luke watched her as she drove off. And then Mr. Diggle entered without
knocking.
"Who's your lady friend?" said Diggle, snappishly. "I mean the one
that's just gone off in the circus. Simply unendurable. The whole
street outside my business premises in confusion. I opened my window
to look out, and that man pointed me out with his whip and said to the
girl beside him: 'That's our Mr. Diggle. If you like our chutney, try
our cheddar.' I shall go down and speak to the policeman at once. This
sort of thing must be stopped. Come, come, Sharper, give me the name,
please."
"The lady who called to see me," said Luke, "was Lady Tyburn. It was
her husband who was driving the zebras."
"That makes a difference. Our spirited young aristocracy! I understand
that the firm's productions are used exclusively up at Gallows. Glad
you mentioned the name, Sharper."
"And can I have that partnership now?" asked Luke.
"Not immediately. Get on with your work."
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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