Science fiction; Sex role -- Fiction; Short stories; Space ships -- Fiction; Stowaways -- Fiction
Never in his right mind would any crewman dare fail to come stiffly
erect the instant the Old Woman appeared. Behind her stood a colorfully
robed specimen of Venus man. Handsome as the devil himself. Fit to snap
lesser men in two with his highly bejeweled hands. Fuzzy beards trailed
from his ears and kept twitching lazily as he sneered at the spectacle
of two men meekly acknowledging the superiority of a woman.
She was fit to put frost on a hydrogen burner. "Mr. Callahan, I asked
you a question, did I not?"
"Believe you did, ma'am," Callahan responded cheerfully. "And the
answer is, ma'am, that Apprentice Burnerman O'Rielly and me was
discussing--ah--matrimony, ma'am. Mr. Apprentice Burnerman O'Rielly
here is considering it, ma'am."
Wasn't too bad a fib. The more O'Rielly thought of Trillium, the more
ideas he got of doing things he'd never dreamt of before in his life.
Yes, ma'am!
"Wasting your time talking nonsense!" Old Woman's look was fit to
freeze O'Rielly's brain, then she gave Callahan the look. "I sent you
down here to find the answer to that fusion control slippage!"
"Oh, you'll have the best answer you ever heard of before long, ma'am!"
Callahan assured her heartily. "The subject of nonsense--I mean,
women--merely chanced to arise whilst we was scientifically analyzing
the control phenomenon, ma'am. Naturally I offered this innocent young
Burnerman the benefit of me long years of experience. Why," Callahan
said with a jaunty laugh, "dames mean nothing to me. Indeed 'twouldn't
bother me none if there wasn't one of the things left in the world!
Present company excepted, of course," Callahan hastened to say with a
courtly bow.
"Stay at attention!" Old Woman sniffed the air near Callahan's face,
then in O'Rielly's vicinity. "Smothered it with chlorophyll probably,"
she muttered through her teeth, "if it is that vino." Something
horrible as a plague flickered in her eyes, then the old ice was there
again. "Apprentice Burnerman, don't you know what your shower is for?
Then use it! Mr. Callahan, remain at attention while I inspect this
burner!" She tendered a cool glance at the Venus bigwig. "Care to join
me, Your Excellency?"
"May as well." His Excellency glanced at O'Rielly and Callahan much as
he might at a couple of worms. Could bet your last old sox no female
ever told any Venus man what to do.
The shower units were equipped so no Burnerman need be more than two
steps from his responsibility. To keep the Old Woman from possibly
blowing her gaskets completely, O'Rielly simply stepped in, shut the
door, flipped a switch and tingled as he was electronically cleansed
of person and clothes. By time he finished, the Old Woman and His
Excellency were already coming out of the burner room, dripping with
sweat.
Old Woman opened the shower with her customary commanding air. "You
first, Your Excellency."
"My dear Captain," His Excellency replied like a smoothly drawn dagger,
"always the lesser gender enjoys precedence."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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