IN A CANADIAN CANOE IN A CANADIAN CANOE THE NINE MUSES MINUS ONE _AND OTHER STORIES_ BY BARRY PAIN [Illustration] London and New York HARPER AND BROTHERS 45, ALBEMARLE STREET, W. 1898 TO A. N. L. PREFACE. My thanks are due to the Editor of “The Granta” for permission to reprint “In a Canadian Canoe,” “The Nine Muses Minus One,” and “The Celestial Grocery.” They have been carefully revised, and considerable additions have been made. The rest of the volume has not appeared before, so far as I know. Although this book appears in a “Library of Wit and Humour,” I have not tried to make it _all_ witty and humorous: I wanted there to be some background. I am not sure that I have not made it _all_ background. B. P. CLEMENT’S INN, _July 1891_. CONTENTS. PAGE IN A CANADIAN CANOE-- I. On Art and Sardines,--but more especially Sardines 1 II. On Exaltation: together with an Anecdote from the “Entertainments” of Kapnides 8 III. On Self-Deception: together with the Dream of the Dean’s Preparations 15 IV. On Reflection: to which is added the Story of the Tin Heart 22 V. A Storm on the Backs; and a Story of Three 29 VI. On Loafing: together with a Second Anecdote from the “Entertainments” of Kapnides 37 VII. On Causes: with an Excursus on Luck 44 VIII. On Solitude: with a Third Anecdote from the “Entertainments” of Kapnides 51 IX. On Associations: together with a Last Anecdote from the “Entertainments” of Kapnides 58 THE NINE MUSES MINUS ONE-- I. Clio’s Story: Charles Marius 66 II. Euterpe’s Story: The Girl and the Minstrel 75 III. Terpsichore’s Story: The Under-Study 83 IV. Melpomene’s Story: The Cursed Pig 90 V. Polymnia’s Story: An Hour of Death 97 VI. Calliope’s Story: The Last Straw 105 VII. Thalia’s Story: The Camel who never got started 113 VIII. Urania’s Story: Number One hundred and Three 121 THE CELESTIAL GROCERY: A FANTASIA 129 “BILL” 150 THE GIRL AND THE BEETLE: A STORY OF HERE AND HEREAFTER 164 IN A CANADIAN CANOE. I. ON ART AND SARDINES--BUT MORE ESPECIALLY SARDINES.