“Oh, don’t you? Why, it is the most natural thing in the world. There is nothing that we so thoroughly dislike as a person, either lady or gentleman, who is perfect. I suspect you rather have the advantage of me in the reading of books, but I certainly have the advantage of you on chutney, and I intend to make the most of it.” “I am sure I shall be very glad to be enlightened, and to confess my ignorance whenever it is necessary, and that, I fear, will be rather often. So, if our acquaintance continues until the end of the voyage, you will be in a state of perpetual delight.” “Well, that’s encouraging. You will be pleased to learn that chutney is a sauce, an Indian sauce, and on this line somehow or other they never have more than one or two bottles. I do not know whether it is very expensive. I presume it is. Perhaps it is because there is very little demand for it, a great number of people not knowing what chutney is.” “Thank you,” said the young lady, “I am glad to find that I am in the majority, at least, even in the matter of ignorance.” “Well, as I was saying, chutney is rather a seductive sauce. You may not like it at first, but it grows on you. You acquire, as it were, the chutney habit. An old Indian traveller, whom I had the pleasure of crossing with once, and who sat at the same table with me, demanded chutney. He initiated me into the mysteries of chutney, and he had a chutney fight all the way across.” “I still have to confess that I do not see what there is to fight about in the matter of chutney.” “Don’t you? Well, you shall soon have a practical illustration of the terrors of a chutney fight. Steward,” called Morris, “just bring me a bottle of chutney, will you?” “Chutney, air?” asked the steward, as if he had never heard the word before. “Yes, chutney. Chutney sauce.” “I am afraid, sir,” said the steward, “that we haven’t any chutney sauce.” “Oh yes, you have. I see a bottle there on the captain’s table. I think there is a second bottle at the smaller table. Just two doors up the street. Have the kindness to bring it to me.” The steward left for the chutney, and Morris looking after him, saw that there was some discussion between him and the steward of the other table. Finally, Morris’s steward came back and said, “I am very sorry, sir, but they are using the chutney at that table.” “Now look here, steward,” said Morris, “you know that you are here to take care of us, and that at the end of the voyage I will take care of you. Don’t make any mistake about that. You understand me?” “Yes, sir, I do,” said the steward. “Thank you, sir.” “All right,” replied Morris. “Now you understand that I want chutney, and chutney I am going to have.” Steward number one waited until steward number two had disappeared after another order, and then he deftly reached over, took the chutney sauce, and placed it before Mr. Morris.