In Convent Walls: The Story of the DespensersHolt, Emily Sarah
History
In Convent Walls: The Story of the Despensers
Holt, Emily Sarah
Great Britain -- History -- Edward II, 1307-1327 -- Fiction; Historical fiction
"Ay. But He never bids them to make others suffer,--far less to take
pleasure in doing so."
"Margaret," said I, "may I know thy story? I have told thee mine.
Truly, it is not much to tell."
"No," she said, as if dreamily,--"not much: only such an one as will be
told out by the mile rather than the yard, from thousands of convents on
the day when the great doom shall be. Only the story of a crushed
heart--how much does that matter to the fathers of the Order? There be
somewhat too many in these cells for them to take any note of one."
I remembered what Mother Gaillarde had said.
"It is terrible, if that be true," I answered. "I thought I was the
only one, and that made me unhappy because I must be so wicked. At
times, in meditation, I have looked round the chamber and thought--Here
be all these blessed women, wrapped in holy meditations, and only I
tempted by wicked thoughts of the world outside, like Lot's wife at
Sodom."
Margaret fairly laughed. "Verily," said she, "if it were given to us to
lift the veil from the hearts of all these blessed women, and scan their
holy meditations, I reckon thine amaze would not be small. Annora, I
think thou art a saint."
"Impossible!" said I. "Why, I fell asleep in the midst of the Rosary a
s'ennight back,--having been awake half the night before--and Father
Benedict said I must do penance for it. Saints are not such as I."
"Annora, if the angels that write in men's books have no worse to set
down in thine than what thou hast told me, I count they shall reckon
their work full light. O humble and meek of heart, thinking all other
better than thyself--trust me, they be, at best, like such as thou."
Margaret left her station at my feet, and coming round, knelt down
beside me, and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Kiss me, Sister," she said.
So did I, at once, without thought: and then, perceiving what I had
done, I was affrighted.
"O Margaret! have we not sinned? Is it not an indulgence of the flesh?"
"Wert thou made without flesh?" asked Margaret, with a short, dry laugh.
"No, but it must be mortified!"
"Sin must be mortified," she answered more gravely. "Why should we
mortify love?"
"Not spiritual love: but natural love, surely, we renounce."
"Why should we renounce it? Does God make men sons and brothers,
husbands and fathers, only that they may have somewhat to renounce? Can
He train us only in the wilderness of Sinai, and not in the land flowing
with milk and honey?"
"But we renounce them for Him."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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