His horror! And his indignation--and his helplessness! Why had he not
known of this in time? He paced up and down the room, raging, he sat
down again like one paralysed; he made plans and rejected them; he
would have gone to every soul in the place and told them they lied. He
would force his way into the meeting-house one fine day when it was
crowded, climb to the pulpit and accuse them of the most cowardly,
treacherous murder ... then he suddenly remembered that even if Ragni
had been perfectly well, that would have been enough to kill her.
He himself lived only to do the best he could for all people; and
amongst them all there was not one honest or grateful enough, or even
indignant enough to tell him that he ought to defend his own and his
wife's good name and the honour of his marriage! What apathy and
indifference! What free and open scope for malice and for unjust
judging of others in this "Christian" community! Now he understood his
sister--she had believed this slander? It was especially to talk to him
about this that she had waited for him that evening when he--! And in
her indignation at this, which she so fully and firmly believed to be
true (for what will not people believe about a free-thinker) she
continued to bring "the whale" right down upon them! Everyone believed
it, everyone condemned her without hesitation. No one stood up for her,
not a soul came to the rescue.
This was what Ragni had had to suffer for being so kind to Karl! It had
been all the more unselfish of her because at first it had cost her a
struggle, and indeed later on it had often been an effort, too; it was
only now that he knew it. In all his life he had never met with any
one as good as she was. To think that her tender-hearted disposition
should thus be ...! The wretches, the false guardians of salvation,
psalm-singing egotists, heartless prayer-makers! He read Karl's letter
over again; he felt so heartily sorry for him. Poor, poor fellow. His
love for her was quite a natural thing; what good honest man would not
adore anyone who had been wronged so unjustly for his sake? The lad's
gratitude and admiration would necessarily turn to love. As soon as
Karl came home, he would have him over--that he would! And he should
stay, too, till she drew her last breath! And he, and none other, would
Kallem have to walk with him ... On that terrible day after her coffin!
He flung himself on the sofa and cried aloud.
Perchance he had been too much taken up with his own work; he ought to
have associated more with people, and taken her more about with him;
then this would never have happened. None who had really felt a lasting
impression of her goodness and pure soul would have dared ... though
indeed who can tell? Such creatures of habit, blinded by their dogmas,
cannot see.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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