him all the recollections of their first meeting, the first words,
first shy strangeness, the first full and entire recognition, the first
embrace.
Only to remind him that now all must cease. All, too, that he had
thought of and done in his life together with her; the delight in it,
his capabilities, his faith. What in all the world had happened? He was
bound to speak to her about it; was there anything she wished to hide
from him? Some imprudence which she dare not confess? What could it be?
But he must be very careful about it.
Then one day when he came home she was not downstairs. He went up
to her and found her lying down. She stretched out her hand--how
thin it had become! and fastened her large eyes on him with a faint,
half-veiled expression: "I lay down for a little," she whispered; "only
for an hour or two." She did not look so very ill; perhaps because she
was in bed. He sat down beside the bed and took both her long thin
hands between his.
"There is something in all this," he ventured to say, "which has not
been confided to me. Once I was entirely on a wrong scent, but
latterly, too, it has been more hurried than I could understand, for
this reason, that I have not been watchful enough. There is something
at the bottom of all this, some great, may be oft-repeated imprudence
which I have not been counting on. Darling, tell it me now; I shall
have no peace until you do."
"I will tell you. I have just been thinking about it now. Down-stairs
in my writing-table you will find some papers in the first drawer to
the left; they are all for you. You must read them when--" she broke
off abruptly. "By and by," she added and pressed his hand gently.
"Then I am not to hear about it now?"
"Yes, what you are asking about? Oh, yes. I only had not got so far."
She asked him to help her change her position; he did so. "Yes, you
shall hear it now. It is for your sake I kept it secret," her eyes
filled--"my own"--again a gentle pressure of the hand and a smile. He
dried her tears with his handkerchief, letting it slip in under his own
spectacles as well. She lay gazing at him but did not speak; had she
forgotten or had she changed her mind? He bent down over her:
"Well--?" he asked, "you will not tell me?"
"Oh, yes, the top paper in the drawer, in Karl's handwriting; you may
read that at once. But not the others."
"Does Karl's letter contain it?"
She nodded slightly, it was barely visible; then she closed her eyes.
"The key?" he whispered.
"It is in the drawer," she answered, without opening her eyes and let
his hand go.
He went down-stairs, opened the drawer, and took out the letter we know
of, and sat down to read it properly.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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