"Hope!" he cried, gnashing his teeth. "If a tigress had me in her
claws, you might, with far more show of reason, call out to me only to
give up hope with life! But this woman! Do you know a more terrible
enemy of human happiness than this lie--this cold, rouged, heartless,
unnatural lie? If she only hated me as immeasurably as she pretends to
love me, truly, I myself should think it too soon to despair. A mortal
can become satiated even with hate; and malice, too, is something of
which one can get tired. But what is to be hoped when it is all merely
a game, and the innermost nature of one's enemy is the nature of a
comedian? Every spark of conscience has been extinguished in this
wretched woman since her girlhood; her life is to her nothing
but a _role_; her love and hate have become merely a question of
costumes--applause and money are her highest and holiest conceptions.
And she fears for both, if she lets me go free. It is flattering to
her--one success more--to be able to pose before herself and the world
as an injured innocent, a robbed wife, a mother whose child has been
taken from her--and for that reason she refuses all my entreaties and
offers with indignation, for she knows well that I would rather give up
any happiness in life than let her have the child. If you had read the
letters I have wasted upon her in these last few weeks! Letters which,
I can truly say, were written with my heart's blood--they would have
made a tigress human; and this woman---read what she answers me! I have
carried on this wretched correspondence behind your back, in the hope
of taking upon myself all that was bitter and humiliating--for what
words have I not stooped to use!--I have borne all the agony of these
last weeks, in order that I might at last lay nothing but the happy
results at your feet. Now read what sort of echo came to me from that
stony heart, and then say whether a man need necessarily be a master in
despairing, to give up all hope here!"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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