"By Warrant.--Every man in London who sells anything, from a collar button to a chariot-and-four, does so 'by appointment' or 'by warrant.' Poor man opens shop--business bad. He is trying to sell shaving soap. One day royal personage floats in and buys a cake for 6d., whatever that means. Dealer puts out gold sign to the effect that he is supplying the royalty with lather. Public breaks down showcases getting at his merchandise. All true democrats theoretically ignore this second-hand worship of royalty, but, just the same, take notice that the shops with the rared-up unicorns in front and the testimonials from their Royal Majesties are the ones that catch the humble American tourist. "Opera Hats.--Wandered into a hat store and discovered, to my amazement, that the proprietor was the inventor of the opera, or concertina, hat. Surprised--always supposed that at least a dozen men had worked on it. Establishment had documents to prove that the first folding hat had been manufactured on the very spot where I stood. Proprietor has not yet been knighted--probably an oversight. "Rubber Pavement.--The large covered court of the Savoy Hotel is paved with blocks of soft rubber three feet square. Constant procession of cabs in and out of court, and rubber deadens sound. Good idea--should be used in all the streets of New York. New cab horse comes along--never has tackled rubber pavement--is clattering noisily over the asphalt--suddenly hits the soft rubber and begins to bounce up and down like a tennis ball. Strange look comes into horse's eye and he crouches like a rabbit, looks over his shoulder at the driver, and seems to be asking, 'What am I up against?' Mean trick to play on a green horse. Should be a warning sign displayed." [Illustration: "_What am I up against?_"] "Famine in Trousers.--One type of English chappy, too old for bread and jam and not quite old enough for music halls, wears extraordinary trousers--legs very narrow and reefed above tops of shoes (I mean boots)--causes them to look thin and bird-like. "English Drama.--Saw new problem play last evening--new play, but same old bunch of trouble. Each principal character failed to marry the person of the opposite sex with whom he or she was really in love. Marriages did not interfere with love affairs, but helped to complicate the plot. Discovered why we can never have a great native drama in the States--we have no open fireplaces in which to destroy the incriminating papers. Impossible to destroy papers at a steam radiator.