He had as usual half a dozen telegrams; and when he saw that she saw
him and their eyes met he gave, on bowing to her, an exaggerated laugh
in which she read a new consciousness. It was a confession of
awkwardness; it seemed to tell her that of course he knew he ought
better to have kept his head, ought to have been clever enough to wait,
on some pretext, till he should have found her free. Mr. Buckton was a
long time with him, and her attention was soon demanded by other
visitors; so that nothing passed between them but the fulness of their
silence. The look she took from him was his greeting, and the other one
a simple sign of the eyes sent her before going out. The only token
they exchanged therefore was his tacit assent to her wish that since
they couldn’t attempt a certain frankness they should attempt nothing
at all. This was her intense preference; she could be as still and cold
as any one when that was the sole solution.
Yet more than any contact hitherto achieved these counted instants
struck her as marking a step: they were built so—just in the mere
flash—on the recognition of his now definitely knowing what it was she
would do for him. The “anything, anything” she had uttered in the Park
went to and fro between them and under the poked-out china that
interposed. It had all at last even put on the air of their not needing
now clumsily to manoeuvre to converse: their former little postal
make-believes, the intense implications of questions and answers and
change, had become in the light of the personal fact, of their having
had their moment, a possibility comparatively poor. It was as if they
had met for all time—it exerted on their being in presence again an
influence so prodigious. When she watched herself, in the memory of
that night, walk away from him as if she were making an end, she found
something too pitiful in the primness of such a gait. Hadn’t she
precisely established on the part of each a consciousness that could
end only with death?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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