The Empress was to play with the Prince Metternich, the Marquis de Gallifet with the Princess Metternich. The Emperor was to play with the Marquise de Gallifet, Monsieur d'Espeuilles was to play with me:--eight people in all! Nothing is so dreadful as a game of croquet with people four of whom are beginners. The Empress was the first to play; her ball was placed so near the wicket that nothing short of genius could have prevented her from going through, which she did with great triumph; her next stroke went far beyond, and she worried it back by a succession of several pushing knocks into its position. No one made any remarks. Then the Emperor made a timid stroke, which gently turned the ball over. Prince Metternich remarked that he (the Emperor) should hit harder, at which his Majesty gave such a whack to his ball that it flew into the next county. "Never mind," said Prince Metternich, and put another ball in front of the Emperor's mallet, and somehow it got through the wicket. Princess Metternich played next, and she was an adept, so all went well with her. I came after her, and managed to get his Majesty's ball on its way a bit. Tiresome pauses and long explanations followed. Prince Metternich shouted, trying to rally the players. "Marquis, where are you?" disturbing the Marquis from a flirtation. "It is your turn to play." "Really; what shall I do?" "Try to hit this ball." "_Par exemple!_ Which ball? Where is it? I do not even see it." "Here it is behind this tree, if you _caramboler_ against the tree you might hit it." And in this way it went on until the Emperor, bored to death, slowly disappeared and the Empress suddenly discovered that her feet were cold and went away, and couples flirtatiously inclined began wandering off, and it was nearly dark and tea-time before Prince Metternich (who was worn out trying to make people understand or take any interest in the game) realized that there were only a few devotees left on the battle-field amid damaged trees and chipped balls. So ended our game of croquet; we felt crushed and crestfallen. At the Empress's tea, to which we were bidden, we were not spared satirical gibes on the subject of our luckless game.