My father was sitting at the table with a mountain of books and papers before him. He looked up sharply as I entered, jerked his chair round so as to get the light at his back, put on his spectacles, and ejaculated:-- "Well, sir!" This was a bad sign, and one with which I was only too familiar. Nature had intended my father for a barrister. He was an adept in all the arts of intimidation, and would have conducted a cross-examination to perfection. As it was, he indulged in a good deal of amateur practice, and from the moment when he turned his back to the light and donned the inexorable spectacles, there was not a soul in the house, from myself down to the errand-boy, who was not perfectly aware of something unpleasant to follow. "Well, sir!" he repeated, rapping impatiently upon the table with his knuckles. Having nothing to reply to this greeting, I looked out of the window and remained silent; whereby, unfortunately. I irritated him still more. "Confound you, sir!" he exclaimed, "have you nothing to say?" "Nothing," I replied, doggedly. "Stand there!" he said, pointing to a particular square in the pattern of the carpet. "Stand there!" I obeyed. "And now, perhaps, you will have the goodness to explain what you have been about this morning; and why it should have taken you just thirty-seven minutes by the clock to accomplish a journey which a tortoise--yes, sir, a tortoise,--might have done in less than ten?" I gravely compared my watch with the clock before replying. "Upon my word, sir," I said, "your tortoise would have the advantage of me." "The advantage of you! What do you mean by the advantage of you, you affected puppy?" "I had no idea," said I, provokingly, "that you were in unusual haste this morning." "Haste!" shouted my father. "I never said I was in haste. I never choose to be in haste. I hate haste!" "Then why..." "Because you have been wasting your time and mine, sir," interrupted he. "Because I will not permit you to go idling and vagabondizing about the village." My _sang froid_ was gone directly. "Idling and vagabondizing!" I repeated angrily. "I have done nothing of the kind. I defy you to prove it. When have you known me forget that I am a gentleman?" "Humph!" growled my father, mollified but sarcastic; "a pretty gentleman--a gentleman of sixteen!" "It is true,"' I continued, without heeding the interruption, "that I lingered for a moment to read a placard by the way; but if you will take the trouble, sir, to inquire at the Rectory, you will find that I waited a quarter of an hour before I could send up your letter." My father grinned and rubbed his hands. If there was one thing in the world that aggravated him more than another, it was to find his fire opposed to ice. Let him, however, succeed in igniting his adversary, and he was in a good humor directly.