His eyes met mine fully, his heart unveiled behind them. That is one of
the beautiful things about David’s reserve—the secret door he opens
into it for one whom he truly loves.
“I do understand,” I said slowly. “But, remember, dear, a woman loves to
be loved. You musn’t have any reserves with her when the time comes. Let
her understand your love is great enough to justify the demands it makes
upon her. If she hurts you at first, don’t try to shield her by letting
her think it’s a light matter. Be as honest with her as you are with
yourself. And you’ll win her, dear; I know you will. And you’ll do it
all by yourself, with no meddling nor helping from anybody.”
He straightened his broad shoulders.
“I’ll do it that way or not at all, little Mammy. Suppose somebody
else—even you—helped me to win her; it would be up to me to hold her,
wouldn’t it? And how could I ever be sure of doing it if I hadn’t been
enough for her at the start, by myself? If I’m not enough—if I can’t
make myself enough—I couldn’t afford to have her at all.”
He rose to his full six feet of height and stretched his clenched hands
above his head.
“That stool cramps my legs these days,” he said. “I remember how proud I
was when I found I could sit on it squarely and get my toes to the
floor. Legs change, don’t they? But the only way I change is to love
more the folks I love at all. Goodnight, you sweetest mother a boy ever
had.”
He bent down, rubbing his cheek against mine in the dear caress of his
baby days, and went out. He never was a boy to kiss one; but he always
loved to stroke my hand, and to touch my cheek with his. He always
loved, too, for me to receive his caresses passively; it is only when he
tucks his close-cropped head under my hand that petting from me is in
order.
So he loves Caro. Half of my hope has come true. And here I lie,
trembling with fear. Is there any greater mockery than a hope wrecked by
a half fulfilment? If Caro—Now isn’t Grumpy a clever imp? I’ve faced
him down and out about the pain for nearly three weeks, and shut him up
in the skeleton-closet with all the gruesome things I’m determined not
to be nagged about; and so he sneaks out on an entirely new tack, and
flaunts David and Caro at me instead of my own spinal column, which is
his customary trade-mark! But if I don’t want him associating with my
own anatomy, which heaven knows is too depraved to be further
contaminated, why should he aspire to the children’s company? And if
David loves Caro, isn’t that proof I was right in thinking they were
made for each other, and that Caro’s love will answer his? _Sur-e-ly,
sur-e-ly, sur-e-ly, sure!_ Just hear her bird-double out of doors:
Grumpy as a prophet isn’t in it with the little red-brown wren!
* * * * *
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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