"My chycest gravy soup, _ar lar prin temps_" said cook bitterly, "and _filly de sole mater de hotel_. One might just as well be cutting chaff for horses. I don't see any use in toiling and moiling over the things as I do. Mr Landon's just as bad as master, every bit. I don't believe either of 'em's got a bit o' taste. Hot as everything was, too!" "Spesherly the plates," said Sam solemnly. "Burnt one of my fingers when the napkin slipped." "Then you should have took care. What's a dinner unless the plates and dishes are hot?" "What, indeed?" said Sam; "but they don't take no notice of anything. My plate looked lovely, you could see your face out o' shape in every spoon; and I don't believe they even saw the eighteen-pen'orth o' flowers on the table." "Savages! that's what they are," said cook. "But they did eat the things." "Yes, they pecked at 'em, but they was talking all the time." "About my cooking?" "Not they! The doctor was talking about a surgical case he had been to see at the hospital. Something about a soldier as had been walking about for three years with a bit of broken spear stuck in him out in the Soudan." "Ugh!" grunted cook, with a shudder of disgust. "That was over the veal cutlets," said Sam thoughtfully. "And what did Mr Landon say? He ought to have known better than to talk about such 'orrid stuff over his meals." "Him?" said Sam, with a grin of contempt; "why, he's worse than master." "He couldn't be, Sam." "Couldn't? But he is. Master does talk about live people as he does good to. Mr Landon don't. He began over the curry." "Made with best curry paste too, and with scraped cocoanut, a squeeze of lemon, a toemarter, and some slices of apple in, just as old Colonel Cartelow taught me hisself. Talk about throwing pearls! And pray what did Mr Landon talk about?" "Mummies." "Ugh!" ejaculated cook. "I saw some of 'em once, at the British Museum; but never no more! The idea of bringing a mummy on to a dinner-table!" "Ah," said Sam, "it's a good job, old lady, that you don't hear all that I do." "So I suppose," said cook, with a snort. "And he calls hisself a professor!" "No, no, he don't, old lady. It's other people calls him a professor, and I suppose he is a very clever man." "I don't hold with such clever people. I like folks as are clever enough to understand good cooking. Professor, indeed! I should like to professor him!" "Well, master's no better," said Sam. "Look at the trouble I have with him to keep him decent. If I didn't watch him he'd put on anything. I can't even keep a book out of his hand when I'm cutting his hair. Only yesterday he gives a duck down to cut the leaf of his book just at an awk'ard moment, and of course in goes the point of the scissors." "Serve him right!" said cook. "And what do you think he said?" "Oh, don't ask me."