Dolly looked worried, I thought, yesterday when Mrs. Barnes, as rocky
and apparently arid as ever--but I knew better--told her at tea-time in
my presence that I had invited them to stay on as long as I did.
There were fortunately few expressions of gratitude this time decorating
Mrs. Barnes's announcement. I think she still wasn't quite sure enough
of herself to be anything but brief. Dolly looked quickly at me, without
her usual smile. I said what a great pleasure it was to know they
weren't going away. 'You do like staying, don't you, Dolly?' I asked,
breaking off suddenly in my speech, for her serious eyes were not the
eyes of the particularly pleased.
She said she did; of course she did; and added the proper politenesses.
But she went on looking thoughtful, and I believe she wants to tell me,
or have me told by Mrs. Barnes, about Siegfried. I think she thinks I
ought to know what sort of guest I've got before deciding whether I
really want her here any longer or not.
I wish I could somehow convey to Dolly, without upsetting Mrs. Barnes,
that I do know and don't mind. I tried to smile reassuringly at her, but
the more I smiled the more serious she grew.
As for Mrs. Barnes, there is now between her and me the shyness, the
affection, of a secret understanding. She may look as arid and stiff as
she likes, but we have kissed each other with real affection and I have
felt her arm tighten round my neck. How much more enlightening, how much
more efficacious than any words, than any explanations, is that very
simple thing, a kiss. I believe if we all talked less and kissed more we
should arrive far quicker at comprehension. I give this opinion with
diffidence. It is rather a conjecture than an opinion. I have not found
it shared in literature--in conversation I would omit it--except once,
and then by a German. He wrote a poem whose first line was:
_O schwöre nicht und küsse nur_
And I thought it sensible advice.
_September 5th._
The weather after all hasn't broken. We have had the thunderstorm and
the one bad day, and then it cleared up. It didn't clear up back to heat
again--this year there will be no more heat--but to a kind of cool,
pure gold. All day yesterday it was clearing up, and towards evening
there came a great wind and swept the sky clear during the night of
everything but stars; and when I woke this morning there was the
familiar golden patch on the wall again, and I knew the day was to be
beautiful.
And so it has been, with the snow come much lower down the mountains,
and the still air very fresh. Things sparkle; and one feels like some
bright bubble of light oneself. Actually even Mrs. Barnes has almost
been like that,--has been, for her, astonishingly, awe-inspiringly gay.
'Ah,' she said, standing on the terrace after breakfast, drawing in deep
draughts of air, 'now I understand the expression so frequently used in
descriptions of scenery. This air indeed is like champagne.'
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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