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definite dismissal, Philip’s remonstrance leading to argument, angry
words—and a blow?
She would have risen from the bed in agitation, but for Celia’s hand
within hers. The vision she had conjured up seemed for a terrible
moment suddenly real: then as suddenly it seemed absurd. She felt that
Philip might have struck a blow in a gust of anger, but could never
conceal that he had done so. He would, she was convinced, have been
overcome with remorse, and would have confessed the whole story then
and there to her. Her momentary doubt shrivelled as an unclean thing
flung into a fire; she hated herself that she had ever entertained it
for a single instant. Philip was hasty, and high-strung; at the moment
he was also worn out; but whatever he had done, it went outside her
knowledge of him, her long trust and belief in him, that he could be
acting a part to save his own skin. In this thought she understood his
manner; to a man of his temperament to come across such a sight
unexpectedly—he had almost stumbled across the body, he had said—would
be sufficiently unnerving. In unconscious reparation for what she now
termed disloyalty her confidence grew all the stronger in so old and
true a friend.
She stirred, without knowing it, as she dispelled her disquieting and
ungenerous suggestion, and Celia at once awoke. She still looked white
and worn out and turned to Evelyn with a heavy sigh and then lay still
again. “How good of you to sit with me, Evie,” she said at last,
looking across the room in a tired way.
“My dear, what nonsense between us!” exclaimed Evelyn warmly. “Of
course I’m glad to do all I can. But you mustn’t take it so much to
heart. It is a dreadful thing, I know; horrible to think of, but after
all——” She paused and then added gently, “I know just what you are
thinking.”
Celia’s eyes turned upon her suddenly. She did not speak, but her hand
tightened on Evelyn’s.
“You mustn’t blame yourself. You’re thinking, I know,” went on Evelyn,
answering her gaze, “that you found him cold, even cruel, in his
lifetime, and now that he has gone you wish you had loved him more.”
Celia’s eyes dropped: she looked away and said at last in a low,
irresolute tone, “No, it isn’t that. It’s just the awful suddenness. I
didn’t love him; I wouldn’t tell any one else, especially now, but you
know I didn’t. But it is dreadful to think that——” She broke off
abruptly.
“Well, you must try not to think about it any more than you can help.
That’s so easy to say I know, but try.”
“I can’t help it,” said Celia, bursting suddenly into tears. She
controlled herself in a minute with an effort, dried her eyes, and
then said, “You’re quite right; I’m very silly. I will try. I think
I’ll get up and go and see mother now. I haven’t been to see her at
all, have I? Oh, if it had been any way but this—but I mustn’t say
that.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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