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Celia had turned to the window whilst her friend was speaking, her
hands clasping and unclasping under an agitation she strained to
subdue. At last she spoke, still looking away, low and faltering,
“Evie, he mustn’t come, he mustn’t.” She turned and continued rapidly,
her eyes wandering over the room refusing to meet the other’s troubled
gaze, her colour coming and going painfully. “You don’t know about
him. Mother and I have never mentioned his name—she had given her word
and would never break it, she’s like that, you know, but I’m not; I
couldn’t let him go out of our lives absolutely whatever I’d promised.
And so I’ve managed to get news of him and told her from time to time,
not by name but so that she could understand. She never answered me; I
could see sometimes how she wanted to; her longing was terrible, but
she wouldn’t because she had promised.” She spoke in a rush of words
as if to forestall criticism.
“Yes, dear, but surely that promise is ended now. You see she thinks
so; she wants him now.”
“But he can’t come, he mustn’t come,” cried Celia passionately. “She’s
not able to stand another shock. I’ve let her suppose he was happy and
doing very well. So he was, but he isn’t now. He’s had a lot of
trouble lately; Margaret and the child are ill and he’s no work and is
practically without a penny. I should have to tell mother, and it has
been her one joy to believe him successful. It would kill her. I
can’t.”
“Then I will,” answered Evelyn firmly. “She’ll want him all the more.”
“No! you mustn’t, promise you won’t! I oughtn’t to have told you!”
Celia spoke with intense agitation and seized her hand. “Promise!”
“It’s your secret, not mine,” answered Evelyn gravely. “But you will
do a great wrong if you don’t tell her, a wrong to both of them. She
ought to know now: and if he wants help it will be her happiness to
give it him.”
“No, no!” cried Celia, her voice breaking into wild sobs. “Later
perhaps, not now. Oh, you don’t understand, Evelyn. I’m afraid, so
terribly afraid. They’ll rake up everything in father’s life, and when
they find out about John they’ll think he had a hand in it; I know
they will. He mustn’t, he mustn’t come here!” She had worked herself
up into such a state that Evelyn realized that it would be harmful to
press what seemed to her so obvious. She replied now to the last wild
words, “Darling, you mustn’t run away with such absurd ideas. To think
that any one could suppose, just because John quarrelled with his
father ages ago—ten years ago, isn’t it?—that he—it’s too silly of
you!”
“It isn’t silly,” replied Celia, weeping. “I may be silly about some
things but not—oh, I can’t bear it! You don’t know; John was——” She
choked her words down sharply, turned away and fought herself back to
some control.
“I will try and rest again a little now,” she said at last wearily.
“Don’t you worry about me, Evelyn; I shall be all right.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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