Theodolinda saw that Quimbleton was losing ground by his incorrigible
habit of talking before he said anything. She broke in impetuously, and
explained the plan for the Perpetual Souse. Her father listened to the
end with his cold, forbidding gaze, while the sensitive needle of the
recording instrument on the mantel danced and wagged in agitation.
"So this is your scheme, is it?" he said. "Abandoned offspring, you
deserve the gallows."
"Wait a moment," said Quimbleton. "Now comes the other side of the
argument. If you grant us this concession we in turn will put you in
possession of a magnificent idea. You think that you have prohibited
everything. Your vetoes cumber the earth. But there is still one thing
you have forgotten to prohibit."
"What is it?" said the Bishop coldly. His hard face was unmoved, but
his eyes brightened a trifle.
"There is one thing you have forgotten to prohibit," said Quimbleton
solemnly. "I can hardly conceive how it escaped you. The one thing that
harasses human beings over the whole civilized world. The one thing
which, if you were to abolish it, would make your name, foul as that
now is, blessed in the ears of men. Oh, the joy of still having
something to prohibit! The unmixed bliss and high privilege of the
vetoing function! I envy you, from my heart, in still having something
to forbid."
The Bishop stirred uneasily in his chair. "What is it?" he said.
Quimbleton watched him with a steady and slightly annoying smile.
"I like to dwell in imagination upon your surprise when you realize
what you have overlooked. It seems so simple! To abolish, prohibit,
banish, and remove, at one swoop, the chief preoccupation of mankind!
The simple and high-minded felicity of still having something
prohibitable subject to your omnipotent legislation! But there, I dare
say I am wrong. Probably you are weary of prohibiting things."
Quimbleton made a motion to his companions as though to leave the room.
The Bishop leaped to his feet, with curiously mingled anger and
eagerness on his face. "Stop!" he cried. "You can't mean laughter? I
abolished that some weeks ago. I don't believe there is anything left--"
"How quaint it is," said Quimbleton (as though talking to himself),
"that it is always the plainly obvious that eludes! But, of course, the
reason you have not abolished this matter before is that to do so would
wholly alter and undermine the habits of the race. Nothing would be the
same as before. I daresay a good deal of misery would be caused in the
long run, who knows? Ah well, it seems a pity you forgot it--"
"Hell's bells!" roared the Bishop, bringing his fist down on the desk
with fury--"What is it? Let me get at it!"
"I should be sorry to marry into a profane family," was Quimbleton's
reply, moving toward the door.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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