Perhaps my intense dislike of the fall of darkness was due wholly
to my stirred imagination, and perhaps my anger when I learned that
Frances now occupied a bed in our hostess’s room was unreasonable.
Nerves were unquestionably on edge. I was for ever on the look-out
for some event that should make escape imperative, but yet that never
presented itself. I slept lightly, left my door ajar to catch the
slightest sound, even made stealthy tours of the house below-stairs
while everybody dreamed in their beds. But I discovered nothing; the
doors were always locked; I neither saw the housekeeper again in
unreasonable times and places, nor heard a footstep in the passages
and halls. The Noise was never once repeated. That horrible, ultimate
thunder, my intensest dread of all, lay withdrawn into the abyss
whence it had twice arisen. And though in my thoughts it was sternly
denied existence, the great black reason for the fact afflicted me
unbelievably. Since Mabel’s fruitless effort to escape, the Doors kept
closed remorselessly. She had failed; _they_ gave up hope. For this
was the explanation that haunted the region of my mind where feelings
stir and hint before they clothe themselves in actual language. Only I
firmly kept it there; it never knew expression.
But, if my ears were open, my eyes were opened too, and it were idle
to pretend that I did not notice a hundred details that were capable
of sinister interpretation had I been weak enough to yield. Some
protective barrier had fallen into ruins round me, so that Terror
stalked behind the general collapse, feeling for me through all the
gaping fissures. Much of this, I admit, must have been merely the
elaboration of those sensations I had first vaguely felt, before
subsequent events and my talks with Frances had dramatised them into
living thoughts. I therefore leave them unmentioned in this history,
just as my mind left them unmentioned in that interminable final week.
Our life went on precisely as before--Mabel unreal and outwardly so
still; Frances, secretive, anxious, tactful to the point of slyness,
and keen to save to the point of self-forgetfulness. There were the
same stupid meals, the same wearisome long evenings, the stifling
ugliness of house and grounds, the Shadow settling in so thickly that
it seemed almost a visible, tangible thing. I came to feel the only
friendly things in all this hostile, cruel place were the robins that
hopped boldly over the monstrous terraces and even up to the windows of
the unsightly house itself. The robins alone knew joy; they danced,
believing no evil thing was possible in all God’s radiant world.
They believed in everybody; _their_ god’s plan of life had no room
in it for hell, damnation and lakes of brimstone. I came to love the
little birds. Had Samuel Franklyn known them, he might have preached a
different sermon, bequeathing love in place of terror!...
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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