‘There’s power certainly,’ I said after a moment’s pause to collect my
wits, my distress increased by the morbidness of his simile. ‘For some
minds there may be a kind of terror too--for weak temperaments that are
all imagination.’ My thoughts were scattered, and I could not readily
find good words. ‘There is startling grandeur in a sight like that,
for instance,’ and I pointed to the window. ‘You feel drawn--as if you
simply _had_ to go.’ My mind still buzzed with his curious words, ‘In
the end you’re bound to go.’ It betrayed his heart and soul. ‘I suppose
a fly does feel drawn,’ I added, ‘or a moth to the destroying flame. Or
is it just unconscious on their part?’
He jerked his big head significantly. ‘Well, well,’ he answered,
‘but the fly isn’t necessarily weak, or the moth misguided.
Over-adventurous, perhaps, yet both obedient to the laws of their
respective beings. They get warnings too--only, when the moth wants
to know too much, the fire stops it. Both flame and spider enrich
themselves by understanding the natures of their prey; and fly and moth
return again and again until this is accomplished.’
Yet George Isley was as sane as the head waiter who, noticing our
interest in the window, came up just then and enquired whether we felt
a draught and would prefer it closed. Isley, I realised, was struggling
to express a passionate state of soul for which, owing to its rarity,
no adequate expression lies at hand. There is a language of the mind,
but there is none as yet of the spirit. I felt ill at ease. All this
was so foreign to the wholesome, strenuous personality of the man as I
remembered it.
‘But, my dear fellow,’ I stammered, ‘aren’t you giving poor old Egypt
a bad name she hardly deserves? I feel only the amazing strength and
beauty of it; awe, if you like, but none of this resentment you so
mysteriously hint at.’
‘You understand, for all that,’ he answered quietly; and again he
seemed on the verge of some significant confession that might ease his
soul. My uncomfortable emotion grew. Certainly he was at high pressure
somewhere. ‘And, if necessary, you could help. Your sympathy, I mean,
_is_ a help already.’ He said it half to himself and in a suddenly
lowered tone again.
‘A help!’ I gasped. ‘My sympathy! Of course, if----’
‘A witness,’ he murmured, not looking at me, ‘some one who understands,
yet does not think me mad.’
There was such appeal in his voice that I felt ready and eager to
do anything to help him. Our eyes met, and my own tried to express
this willingness in me; but what I said I hardly know, for a cloud
of confusion was on my mind, and my speech went fumbling like a
schoolboy’s. I was more than disconcerted. Through this bewilderment,
then, I just caught the tail-end of another sentence in which the
words ‘relief it is to have ... some one to hold to ... when the
disappearance comes ...’ sounded like voices heard in dream. But I
missed the complete phrase and shrank from asking him to repeat it.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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