CONTENTS I.—THE HOHENZOLLERNS IN AMERICA PREFACE CHAPTER I — On Board the S.S. America. Wednesday CHAPTER II — City New York. 2nd Avenue CHAPTER III CHAPTER IV CHAPTER V CHAPTER VI II.—WITH THE BOLSHEVIKS IN BERLIN III.—AFTERNOON TEA WITH THE SULTAN IV.—ECHOES OF THE WAR 1.—The Boy Who Came Back 2.—The War Sacrifices of Mr. Spugg 3.—If Germany Had Won 4.—War and Peace at the Galaxy Club 5.—The War News as I Remember it I—THE CABLE NEWS FROM RUSSIA II—SAMPLE OF SPECIAL CORRESPONDENCE III—THE TECHNICAL WAR DESPATCHES IV—THE WAR PROPHECIES V—DIPLOMATIC REVELATIONS VI—A NEW GERMAN PEACE FORMULA VII—THE FINANCIAL NEWS 6.—Some Just Complaints About the War 7.—Some Startling Side Effects of the War V.—OTHER IMPOSSIBILITIES 1.—The Art of Conversation Introduction to H.E. the Viceroy of India, K.C.B., II—HOW TO OPEN A CONVERSATION 2.—Heroes and Heroines 3.—The Discovery of America; 4.—Politics from Within 5.—The Lost Illusions of Mr. Sims 6.—Fetching the Doctor: From Recollections of Childhood in the Canadian Countryside LITERARY LAPSES By Stephen Leacock CONTENTS LITERARY LAPSES My Financial Career Lord Oxhead's Secret Boarding-House Geometry The Awful Fate of Melpomenus Jones A Christmas Letter How to Make a Million Dollars How to Live to be 200 How to Avoid Getting Married How to be a Doctor The New Food A New Pathology The Poet Answered The Force of Statistics Men Who have Shaved Me Getting the Thread of It Telling His Faults Winter Pastimes Number Fifty-Six Aristocratic Education The Conjurer's Revenge Hints to Travellers A Manual of Education Hoodoo McFiggin's Christmas The Life of John Smith On Collecting Things Society Chat-Chat Insurance up to Date Borrowing a Match A Lesson in Fiction Helping the Armenians A Study in Still Life.—The Country Hotel An Experiment With Policeman Hogan The Passing of the Poet Self-made Men A Model Dialogue Back to the Bush Reflections on Riding Saloonio Half-hours with the Poets PART I PART II PART III A, B, and C Acknowledgments FRENZIED FICTION By Stephen Leacock CONTENTS I. My Revelations as a Spy II. Father Knickerbocker: A Fantasy III. The Prophet in Our Midst IV. Personal Adventures in the Spirit World V. The Sorrows of a Summer Guest VI. To Nature and Back Again VII. The Cave-Man as He is VIII. Ideal Interviews I. WITH A EUROPEAN PRINCE II. WITH OUR GREATEST ACTOR III. WITH OUR GREATEST SCIENTIST IV. WITH OUR TYPICAL NOVELISTS IX. The New Education X. The Errors of Santa Claus XI. Lost in New York XII. This Strenuous Age XIII. The Old, Old Story of How Five Men Went Fishing XIV. Back from the Land XV. The Perplexity Column as Done by the Jaded Journalist XVI. Simple Stories of Success, or How to Succeed in Life XVII. In Dry Toronto XVIII. Merry Christmas FURTHER FOOLISHNESS Sketches and Satires on The Follies of The Day By Stephen Leacock CONTENTS