Innocent : $b a tale of modern lifeOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
Innocent : $b a tale of modern life
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
cares which poor aunty, weeping, was giving to the dead. The dead! Was
that his wife? Amanda! She whom he had wooed and worshipped; who had
given him rapture, misery, disgust, all mingled together; who had been
the one prize he had won in his life, and the one great blight which had
fallen upon that life? Was it she who was now called by that dismal
title? who lay there now, rigid and silent, taking no note of what was
done about her, finding no fault? Frederick stood in the moonlight, and
looked up at her window with a sense of unreality, impossibility, which
could not be put into words; but a few hours before he had been there,
with his little cousin, glad to escape from the surroundings he hated,
from Batty’s odious companionship, from Amanda’s termagant fits. He had
felt it a halcyon moment, a little gentle oasis which refreshed him in
the midst of the desert which by his own folly his life had become. And
now--good heavens! was it true?--in a moment this desert was past, the
consequences of his folly over, his life his own again to do something
better with it. The world and the garden, and the broad lines of the
moonlight, seemed to turn round with him as he stood and gazed at the
house and tried to understand what had come upon him.
It may be thought strange that this should have been the first sensation
which roused him out of the dull and stupefying pain of the shock he had
just received. Frederick was not a man of high mould to begin with, but
he was proud and sensitive to all that went against his self-love, his
sense of importance, his consciousness of personal and family
superiority--and he had the tastes of an educated man, and clung to the
graces and refinements of life, except at those moments which no one
knew of, when he preferred pleasure, so-called, to everything, moments
of indulgence which had nothing to do with his revealed and visible
existence. He had been wounded in the very points at which he was most
susceptible, by Amanda and her belongings. She, herself, had been an
offence to him even in the first moments of his passion, and, as his
passion waned and disappeared altogether, what had he not been compelled
to bear? He had brought it upon himself, he was aware, and he had
believed that he would have to bear it all his life, or most of his
life. And now, in a moment, he was free! But Frederick was not unnatural
in exultation over his deliverance. The shock of seeing her lying dead
upon that bed, the strange, pitiful, remorseful sense, which every
nature not wholly deadened feels at sight of that sudden blow which has
spared him and struck another--that sudden deprivation of the “sweet
light,” the air, the movement of existence which we still enjoy, but
which the other has lost--affected him with that subduing solemnity of
feeling which often does duty for grief. How could any imagination
follow Amanda into the realms of spiritual existence? Her life had been
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