Innocent : $b a tale of modern lifeOliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
General
Innocent : $b a tale of modern life
Oliphant, Mrs. (Margaret)
Fiction
all physical--of the flesh, not of the spirit; there had been nothing
about her which could lead even her lover, in the days when he was her
lover, to think of her otherwise than as a beautiful development of
physical life, a creature all made of lovely flesh and blood, with
fascinations which began and ended in satiny gloss and dazzling colour,
in roundness and brightness, and softness and warmth. What could he
think of her now? She had gone, and had left behind all the qualities by
which he knew her. Her voice was silent, that one gift she possessed by
which she could call forth any emotion that was not of the senses; with
it she could rouse a man to fierce rage, to wild impatience, to hatred
and murderous impulses; but that was silent, and her beauty was turned
into marble, a solemn thing that chilled and froze the beholder. What
else was there of her that her husband could think of, could follow with
his thoughts? Her soul--what was it? Frederick had never cared to know.
He had never perceived its presence in any secret moment. But he was not
impious, nor a speculatist of any kind; he indulged in no questions
which the most orthodox theologian could have thought dangerous. He
tried even to think piously of his Amanda as passed into another, he
hoped a better, world; but he stood bewildered and saddened on that
threshold, not knowing how to shape these thoughts, nor what to make of
the possibility of spiritual non-bodily existence for her. He could not
follow her in idea to any judgment, to any heaven. He stood dully sad
before the dim portals within which she had passed, with a heavy aching
in his heart, a blank and wondering sense of something broken off. He
was not without feeling; he could not have gone to bed and slept
stupefied as did the father, who had lost the only thing he loved. A
natural awe, a natural pang, were in Frederick’s mind; he felt the life
run so warm in his own veins, and she was dead and ended. Poor Amanda!
he was more sorry for her than he was for himself. The anguish of love
is more selfish; it is its own personal loss, the misery of the void in
which it has to live alone, which wrings its heart. But Frederick, for
once, felt little for himself. To himself the change was not
heart-breaking; he was free from much that had threatened to make his
life a failure; but for once his mind departed from selfish
considerations. He was sorry for her. Poor Amanda! who had lost all she
cared for, all she knew.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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