whom she had instinctively tried to serve and to please; and he had
sufficient imagination to understand and take advantage of the feeling
aroused in her when she had met one of the same descent, and bearing
the same name, in himself. He had run through the gamut of many
emotions and sentiments,--he had joined one or two of the new schools
of atheism and modernism started by certain self-opinionated young
University men, and in the earlier stages of his career had in the
cock-sure impulse of youth designed schemes for the regeneration of the
world, till the usual difficulties presented themselves as opposed to
such vast business,--he had associated himself with men who followed
what is called the "fleshly school" of poetry and art generally, and
had evolved from his own mentality a comfortable faith of which the
chief tenet was "Self for Self"--a religion which lifts the mind no
higher than the purely animal plane;--and in its environment of
physical consciousness and agreeable physical sensations, he was
content to live.
With such a temperament and disposition as he possessed, which swayed
him hither and thither on the caprice or impulse of the moment, his
intentions toward Innocent were not very clear even to himself. When he
had begun his "amour" with her he had meant it to go just as far as
should satisfy his own whim and desire,--but as he came to know her
better, he put a check on himself and hesitated as one may hesitate
before pulling up a rose-bush from its happy growing place and flinging
it out on the dust-heap to die. She was so utterly unsuspicious and
unaware of evil, and she had placed him on so high a pedestal of
honour, trusting him with such perfect and unquestioning faith, that
for very manhood's sake he could not bring himself to tear the veil
from her eyes. Moreover he really loved her in a curious, haphazard way
of love,--more than he had ever loved any one of her sex,--and, when
in her presence and under her influence, he gained a glimmering of
consciousness of what love might mean in its best and purest sense.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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