Another comes and speaks too: “It is I who would have reigned over your
big house and made it cheery and warm. It is I who would have followed
you through the desert of old age. I would have lighted your fire, have
been your eyes and your staff. Should I have been fit for that?” “Sweet
little Downie,” he answers, “you would.”
Again a flake comes and says: “I am so to be pitied. To-morrow my
betrothed is leaving me without even saying farewell. To-morrow I shall
weep, weep all day long, for I shall feel the shame of not being good
enough for Maurits. And when I come home—I do not know how I shall be
able to come home; how I can cross my father’s threshold after this.
The whole street will be full of whispering and gossip when I show
myself. Every one will wonder what evil thing I have done, to be so
badly treated. Is it my fault that you love me?” He answers with a sob
in his throat: “Do not speak so, little Downie! It is too soon to speak
so.”
He wanders there the whole night and towards midnight comes a little
darkness. He is in great trouble; the heavy, sultry air seems to be
still in terror of some crime which is to be committed in the morning.
He tries to calm the night by saying aloud: “I shall not do it.”
Then the most wonderful thing happens. The night is seized with a
trembling dread. It is no longer the little flakes which are falling,
but round about him rustle great and small wings. He hears something
flying but does not know whither.
They rush by him; they graze his cheek; they touch his clothes and
hands; and he understands what it is. The leaves are falling from the
trees; the flowers flee from their stalks; the wings fly away from the
butterflies; the song forsakes the birds.
And he understands that when the sun rises his garden will be a waste.
Empty, cold, and silent winter shall reign there; no play of
butterflies; no song of birds.
He remains until the light comes again, and he is almost astonished
when he sees the thick masses of leaves on the trees. “What is it,
then,” he says, “which is laid waste if it was not the garden? Not even
a blade of grass is missing. It is I who must live in winter and cold
hereafter, not the garden. It is as if the mainspring of life were
gone. Ah, you old fool, this will pass like everything else. It is too
much ado about a little girl.”
IV
How very improperly “it” behaved the morning they were to leave! During
the two days after the ball “it” had been rather something inspiring,
something exciting; but now when Downie is to leave, when “it” realizes
that the end has come, that “it” will never play any part in her life,
then it changes to a death thrust, to a deathly coldness.
She feels as if she were dragging a body of stone down the stairs to
the breakfast-room. She stretches out a heavy, cold hand of stone when
she says good-morning; she speaks with a slow tongue of stone; smiles
with hard stone lips. It is a labor, a labor.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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