London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Upper class -- Fiction
“For the simple reason that I _should_ not read. I should take the
money, get into debt, do nothing. I am past the possibility of voluntary
work. In a house of business I suppose I shall be made to work, and
perhaps it may lead to a competence sooner or later. But for reading
here at home I have no motive. I lack an impulse. Life would be
intolerable.”
Ada did not raise her eyes. He was still leaning forward on the back of
the chair, but now at length held himself upright, passed his fingers
through his hair, and uttered an exclamation of weariness.
“So I go to India!” he said. “The climate is of course impossible for
me; I suffer enough here. Well, it can’t be helped.”
He sat down opposite the girl, bent forward, and let his face fall upon
his hands.
“Other men of my age,” he murmured, “are beginning the work of their
life. My life is as good as over. I have capabilities; I might do
something if I had an impulse.”
He looked at her. Her face was as impassible as stone, her eyes closed.
Lacour reached forward and touched her hand, making her start into
consciousness.
“Will you lend me your hand one moment?” he asked in an irresistible
voice, a low, tired breathing.
Ada did not resist. She had to bend forward a little; he put her palm
against his forehead. The man was not merely acting; not purely and
simply inventing poses; if so, how came his brow so terribly hot? Yet
at this moment the question uppermost in his brain was--whether Ada knew
the contents of Mr. Clarendon’s will. He had no means of ascertaining
whether or not she had been enlightened. He could scarcely ask her
directly.
The girl drew her hand away, and rose from her chair. She breathed with
difficulty.
“How cool that was!” he said. Perhaps he had not noticed that her palm
was like fire. “That is again something I never yet felt.” Then, with
sudden energy: “Miss Warren, what on earth do you think of me? Do you
think I am unconscious of the supremely bad taste I show in coming
here and talking to you in this way? I have kept away as long as ever
I could--a whole month. I was absurd that last time I talked to you.
I don’t charge myself with iniquities; in fact, I don’t know that I
recognise any sin except sins against good taste. This present behaviour
of mine is in the very worst. You understand me as well as if I had
spoken out the whole monstrous truth; you judge me. Well, you shall do
it in my absence. Good-bye.”
She let him take her hand again. He looked at the palm, appeared to be
following the lines.
“That is the line of the heart; that of the head. Both strong and fine.
If I were a man of means, or even a man with a future, I would ask you
to let this hand lie a little longer in mine, now and afterwards----”
He looked once more into her face; she saw that his eyes were moist.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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