London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Upper class -- Fiction
“It will of course be some time before she is perfectly strong,” Vincent
pursued, noting with much satisfaction what he deemed a proof of the
strength of her passion for him; she was so clearly disappointed. “Such
an illness must have pulled her down seriously. I should think by the
summer she will be herself again. It is wretched that we are so utterly
dependent on others, and are bound to act with such cautious regard.”
“You have fixed the summer, in your correspondence with her?”
“Oh no! I leave it quite open. But we cannot, of course, wait for ever.”
Ada sat motionless, her hands in her lap. Her features were fixed in
hard, blank misery. No wonder the girl looked ill. Ever since the day on
which she wrote to Lacour her acceptance of his offer, life had been to
her a mere battle of passions. When time and the events which so rapidly
succeeded had dulled the memory of that frenzy which drove her to the
step, of set purpose she nursed all the dark and resentful instincts of
her nature, that they might support her to the end. Pride was an ally;
if it cost her her life she would betray by no sign the suffering she
had brought upon herself. She blinded her feelings, strove to crush her
heart when it revolted against her self-imposed deception that she loved
this man who would become her husband. Had she not found a pleasure in
his society? Did not his attentions flatter and even move her? And ever
she heard a voice saying that he cared nothing for her, that she had a
face which could attract no man, that her money alone drew him to her,
and that voice was always Mrs. Clarendon’s. Hatred of Isabel was in
moments almost madness. It seemed in some horribly unnatural way to
be increased by the sight of the pale and suffering face; a wretched
perversion poisoned the sympathy which showed itself in many an act of
kindness. The struggle with her better nature brought her at times near
to delirium. When Isabel’s convalescence began, Ada counted the days.
She knew that Lacour would not postpone their marriage an hour later
than necessity demanded; her strength would surely hold out a few more
weeks. That he did not come to see her was at once a relief and a source
of bitterness; his letters she read with a mixture of eagerness and cold
criticism. She stirred herself to factitious passion, excited all the
glowing instincts, all the dormant ardours, of her being--and shivered
before the flame. Every motive that could render marriage desirable she
dwelt upon till it should become part of her hourly consciousness. The
life she would lead when marriage had given her freedom was her constant
forethought. She was made for enjoyment, and would enjoy. For her should
exist no petty social rules, no conventional hypocrisies. In London her
house should be a gathering-place of Bohemians. She herself did not
lack brains, and her wealth would bring people about her. She would be a
patroness of art and letters, would make friends of actresses who needed
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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