London (England) -- Social life and customs -- 19th century -- Fiction; Upper class -- Fiction
He was shaken from head to foot with the struggle her words excited.
With her arms clinging thus around him, in a moment he would yield--and
there was a voice within which whispered hoarsely that to yield would
be to tempt a fearful fate. What might he not be led to do next? What
impossible sacrifice of self-respect might not become inevitable? He had
no jot of faith in his own power to make a future. Imagine this
woman some day cooling in her love, and speaking with her pale face
unutterable things. She would have a right to reproach him, and a
reproach divined would drive him to frenzy. She was weak--he would not
shape that into words, but the knowledge was in his heart. After all the
features of her life that she had revealed to him, how could he dare the
step she tempted him to? His love for her was so sincere that to place
her in a position which might touch him with shame on her behalf was in
thought a horror. Of whom would she borrow a large sum of money on her
bare word? That, to begin with, was impossible; think what it would cost
her. Before, all was different. Her income and his put together did not
in truth seem to him sad poverty; for her love’s sake she would have
contented herself. But the new responsibilities--and then this latest
revelation----
Not in linked thoughts, but in swiftly successive flashes of feeling,
did these things pass through his mind. He suffered terribly in the
moments while the struggle lasted. But at length he found that--he knew
not how--he had put away her clinging arms.
“Isabel, we cannot do that.” The words seemed to come unbidden; he heard
them as if another spoke. “I love you too well, my own soul! I feel you
must not think of that.”
She hung her head, passion-worn, and he heard her ask:
“Do you love me?”
He knelt at her feet and pressed her joined hands against his heart.
“Do I love you? Do you know what it has cost me to refuse to take your
life and make it part of mine?”
“You do seem to love me, Bernard.” She stroked the hair upon his
forehead, and put it back with soft woman’s touch. Her voice was low and
caressing; moisture made her eyes large. “You will not fail me? You will
still love me, till I can make myself free?”
“And you?”
“Do I speak and act as if my love were a thing that will easily pass?”
“That is well and wisely spoken,” he returned, smiling up at her. “That
is better in my eyes than if you had vowed to love me for ever. We
cannot vow love; we can only say that we love with all the strength of
our being, and silently feel that it is not a thing of brief life. I
shall never ask you to promise to love me, only to say that you do.”
“But that is almost as if you feared.”
“For you, or for myself?”
“You have no fear that your love for me will fail? Dear, I am not the
wife you should have sought.”
“You are the wife I was fated to seek; that is enough. You are throned
above all women when my soul worships.”
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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