"Only _think_, child? Nay you must be sure of it. Ask your heart if the
time passes slowly when he is absent from the cottage. Do you watch and
wait, and listen for his returning footsteps? Do you feel that without
him life is not worth having, the world a blank? Is your whole heart
with him when he is at your side? Do you tremble when his hand touches
yours; and your voice grow softer as you speak to him? Do you feel that
you dare not look up lest he should see the deep love in your eyes? if
so Amy, then gladly will I consent to give you to him. But if not, I
would rather, far rather see you in your grave than wedded to him."
Amy was silent; not from any wish to draw back from her word or plighted
troth; no, she had made up her mind to be Robert Vavasour's wife, her
mother's thin wasted hand as it rested on hers only strengthened that
resolution; the very feebleness with which she raised herself on the
couch showed Amy how very weak and ill she was, and this one act might
restore her to health. She did not hesitate, she would not draw back;
had Charles loved her, it might have been different, but convinced of
his falseness and trifling, no regret for him, now struggled at her
heart, only shame that she could ever have allowed it to be drawn
towards him, unsought.
"You hesitate. You do not answer, Amy?" said Mrs. Neville, sadly, "and
have deceived yourself and him."
"No, Mamma, you are wrong. Although I do not love Mr. Vavasour like
that; still I do love him, and in time, when I am his wife, I shall
very dearly."
Mrs. Neville sighed. "In this one important step of your life, Amy, when
your whole future well-being depends upon it, there should be no secrets
between us, recollect this one act may entail much misery; you cannot
tell how much. Think of being bound for life to a man you do not love,
think of the remorse you will feel at not being able to give him the
love of your whole heart in return for his. Amy, my child, his very
presence would be painful to you, his very love and kindness your
greatest punishment and sorrow."
"Yes Mamma, if I did not love him; but it will not be so. I shall love
him."
"And yet Amy, your very words almost forbid it, and fill my heart with
fear and trembling," and again Mrs. Neville clasped her daughter's hand,
while Amy, fairly overcome, bent down and laying her forehead on the
soft pitying hand, burst into tears.
"Hush, Amy! hush! You have done foolishly, but there is yet time; better
give him sorrow and pain now than later."
"No, Mamma, no; there is no need to give him pain," said Amy, presently.
"Alas!" replied Mrs. Neville, "then why these tears?"
"I weep," answered Amy, flinging--dashing back the tears as they crowded
into her eyes, "I weep to think I have allowed my heart to think of
another; one, too all unworthy of a woman's love; one who flirted and
pretended to care for me; I weep for very shame, mother, to think how
foolish I was, and how unworthy I am to be Robert Vavasour's wife."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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