Fairy tales -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Short stories, American
"I don't think I quite understand," said the old man, scratching his
head in perplexity.
"Settle five million on your daughter," explained Jack. "When you've got
her fixed comfortably in life, go in and do as you please with the rest
of your fortune. Play the game as hard as you like, and, win or lose, no
harm can come to her--and _if_ you lose, why, she'll be able to take
care of you."
"I've already given her four million, haven't I, Amandy?" said the old
gentleman, proudly.
"Yes, Popper," said the girl, and Jack's heart began to play the
anvil chorus on the xylophone of his ribs. What a chance!
"How about it, Mr. Vanderpoel," persisted the old man; "can you put me
wise?"
"Oh, well," said Jack, "if you really insist I'll let you into a little
blind pool I'm in, but not for very much--say a couple of millions. Only
I won't take a penny of your money if you are like all the rest of these
people here who want to be shown how things are every five minutes of
the day. I'll take your two million and you can call it a loan, if you
want to. Your receipt will be my demand note for the full amount. You
see I know what I'm about, and I'm careful."
[Illustration: "COULDN'T MAKE IT THREE MILLION, COULD YOU?" SUGGESTED
MR. DOBBINS]
"Couldn't make it three million, could you?" suggested Mr. Dobbins, with
a pleading note in his voice which Jack found difficult to resist. "I
happen to have that amount idle--"
"Well, I'll tell you what I'll do," said Jack, patronizingly. "I was
going to pull this thing off myself because it is one of the few
dead-sure things left in this world, but first the Midas people butted
in, then Bondifeller wanted a slice, and Rockernegie wore out his
library carpet running to the 'phone to ring me up about it, until I
told Central I'd have the company indicted as a nuisance if they let the
old man have my number again. None the less, for merely diplomatic
reasons, I'm going to let 'em all in for a small share. Just enough to
keep them satisfied with themselves. Exactly what the basis will be I
haven't yet decided, but if you are willing to take your chances with
them--well, you may hand me six certified checks for five hundred
thousand dollars apiece, so that I can spread the whole amount around in
my various bank and trust company accounts."
* * * * *
"Now what, Puss?" asked Jack the next afternoon, as he and his feline
friend held a consultation in the apartment. "I've got three million to
my credit in six banks. What's the next step--Algiers or Venezuela?"
"Why," said puss, "it seems to me that a man with three million in hand
can afford to stay in New York over Christmas, anyhow."
"Yes, I know," said Jack. "But the old man--he's got to have some profit
some time or other, hasn't he?"
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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