Fairy tales -- Parodies, imitations, etc.; Short stories, American
"First and foremost, civility," said Aladdin, boldly, a sense of his own
power sweeping over him and giving him confidence. "I guess you'll find
that harder to negotiate than a check for a considerable sum, Major
Bondifeller, cash being a commoner commodity with you than civility.
Now, as a matter of fact, sir," the lad went on, "I had your daughter
carried in here out of that raging blizzard so that my mother could give
her the attention she needed. You I brought in also with no more
knowledge of who you were, and with no more idea of financially
profiting by your accident, than if you had been one of those
unfortunate tramps out on the Bowery there. But now that you have put
the idea in my mind that, perhaps, after all, nobody ever does anything
unselfishly in this world, I will make certain demands of you. To begin
with, you may pay me two hundred and fifty dollars for those eggs, and
as a mere act of ordinary generosity, you may tip the handsome waiter
fifty dollars. I understand, too, sir, that you are the proprietor of
these ten city blocks in which I and about twenty thousand of my
neighbors are housed?"
"I believe I do own considerable property hereabouts," said the
millionaire, sullenly, "though I can't say offhand whether I do or not.
My agents look after my smaller investments."
"Well," said Aladdin, "it don't make any difference to me whether you
remember what you own or not. The results so far as you are concerned
will be the same. You will have these ten blocks of houses torn down and
replaced by model tenements, turning the alternate blocks into city
parks for the children to play in."
"But suppose I don't own 'em?" protested Bondifeller.
"What you don't own, Major Bondifeller," returned Aladdin, "is too
trifling a detail for us to worry over. So long as you don't own me I
don't care a pickled herring what you do own. If it turns out upon
investigation that any of these pig-pens on these ten city squares
belong to anybody else, buy 'em."
"Buy 'em?" snarled Bondifeller. "How can I buy 'em if the other man
won't sell?"
"With money," said Aladdin; "the same stuff you always use to buy
anything else you happen to want, from an oil-painting or a Japanese
porcelain up to a State legislature or a man's conscience."
"And if I don't agree?" demanded the old man, a truculent glare in his
eye, an eye before which the so-called powerful men of the earth had
trembled more than once in the past.
Aladdin returned the gaze unflinchingly. Once more he rubbed the lamp,
and the genie appeared as before.
"Sambo," said the lad, calmly, with a wink at the slave, "is dungeon
number thirty-seven on the fifteenth tier below the Subway occupied
to-night?"
"No, sir," replied the blackamoor, with a grin.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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