England -- Fiction; Experimental fiction; Psychological fiction; World War, 1914-1918 -- England -- Fiction; Young men -- Fiction
It seems then that men and women are equally at fault. It seems that a
profound, impartial, and absolutely just opinion of our fellow-creatures
is utterly unknown. Either we are men, or we are women. Either we are
cold, or we are sentimental. Either we are young, or growing old. In any
case life is but a procession of shadows, and God knows why it is that
we embrace them so eagerly, and see them depart with such anguish, being
shadows. And why, if this--and much more than this is true, why are we
yet surprised in the window corner by a sudden vision that the young man
in the chair is of all things in the world the most real, the most
solid, the best known to us--why indeed? For the moment after we know
nothing about him.
Such is the manner of our seeing. Such the conditions of our love.
("I'm twenty-two. It's nearly the end of October. Life is thoroughly
pleasant, although unfortunately there are a great number of fools
about. One must apply oneself to something or other--God knows what.
Everything is really very jolly--except getting up in the morning and
wearing a tail coat.")
"I say, Bonamy, what about Beethoven?"
("Bonamy is an amazing fellow. He knows practically everything--not more
about English literature than I do--but then he's read all those
Frenchmen.")
"I rather suspect you're talking rot, Bonamy. In spite of what you say,
poor old Tennyson...."
("The truth is one ought to have been taught French. Now, I suppose, old
Barfoot is talking to my mother. That's an odd affair to be sure. But I
can't see Bonamy down there. Damn London!") for the market carts were
lumbering down the street.
"What about a walk on Saturday?"
("What's happening on Saturday?")
Then, taking out his pocket-book, he assured himself that the night of
the Durrants' party came next week.
But though all this may very well be true--so Jacob thought and
spoke--so he crossed his legs--filled his pipe--sipped his whisky, and
once looked at his pocket-book, rumpling his hair as he did so, there
remains over something which can never be conveyed to a second person
save by Jacob himself. Moreover, part of this is not Jacob but Richard
Bonamy--the room; the market carts; the hour; the very moment of
history. Then consider the effect of sex--how between man and woman it
hangs wavy, tremulous, so that here's a valley, there's a peak, when in
truth, perhaps, all's as flat as my hand. Even the exact words get the
wrong accent on them. But something is always impelling one to hum
vibrating, like the hawk moth, at the mouth of the cavern of mystery,
endowing Jacob Flanders with all sorts of qualities he had not at
all--for though, certainly, he sat talking to Bonamy, half of what he
said was too dull to repeat; much unintelligible (about unknown people
and Parliament); what remains is mostly a matter of guess work. Yet over
him we hang vibrating.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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