Then Jacqueline begged Fraulein Schult to imagine something like the
passion of Bettina for Goethe--Fraulein Schult having told her that
story simply with a view of interesting her in German conversation only
the great man whose name she would not tell was not nearly so old as
Goethe, and she herself was much less childish than Bettina. But, above
all, it was his genius that attracted her--though his face, too, was
very pleasing. And she went on to describe his appearance--till
suddenly she stopped, burning with indignation; for she perceived that,
notwithstanding the minuteness of her description, what she said was
conveying an idea of ugliness and not one of the manly beauty she
intended to portray.
“He is not like that at all,” she cried. “He has such a beautiful
smile-a smile like no other I ever saw. And his talk is so
amusing--and--” here Jacqueline lowered her voice as if afraid to be
overheard, “and I do think--I think, after all, he does love me--just a
little.”
On what could she have founded such a notion? Good heaven!--it was on
something that had at first deeply grieved her, a sudden coldness and
reserve that had come over his manner to her. Not long before she had
read an English novel (no others were allowed to come into her hands).
It was rather a stupid book, with many tedious passages, but in it she
was told how the high-minded hero, not being able, for grave reasons, to
aspire to the hand of the heroine, had taken refuge in an icy coldness,
much as it cost him, and as soon as possible had gone away. English
novels are nothing if not moral.
This story, not otherwise interesting, threw a gleam of light on what,
up to that time, had been inexplicable to Jacqueline. He was above all
things a man of honor. He must have perceived that his presence troubled
her. He had possibly seen her when she stole a half-burned cigarette
which he had left upon the table, a prize she had laid up with other
relics--an old glove that he had lost, a bunch of violets he had
gathered for her in the country. Yes! When she came to think of it,
she felt certain he must have seen her furtively lay her hand upon that
cigarette; that cigarette had compromised her. Then it was he must have
said to himself that it was due to her parents, who had always shown him
kindness, to surmount an attachment that could come to nothing--nothing
at present. But when she should be old enough for him to ask her hand,
would he dare? Might he not rashly think himself too old? She must seek
out some way to give him encouragement, to give him to understand that
she was not, after all, so far--so very far from being a young lady--old
enough to be married. How difficult it all was! All the more difficult
because she was exceedingly afraid of him.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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