I listened to my dying friend's arguments and admonitions, I think I
may venture to say, with a suitable spirit. The arrogant or disputatious
passions could not possibly find place in a scene like this. Even if I
thought him in the wrong, what but brutal depravity could lead me to
endeavour to shake his belief at a time when sickness had made his
judgment infirm, and when his opinion supplied his sinking heart with
confidence and joy?
But, in truth, I was far from thinking him in the wrong. At any time I
should have allowed infinite, plausibility and subtlety to his reasonings,
and at this time I confessed them to be weighty. Whether they were most
weighty in the scale could be only known by a more ample and deliberate
view and comparison than it was possible, with the spectacle of a dying
friend before me, and with so many solicitudes and suspenses about me
respecting Jane, to bestow on them. Meanwhile, I treasured them up, and
determined, as I told him, that his generous efforts for my good should
not be thrown away.
At first, his sister was very uneasy when her brother entered on the
theme nearest to his friendly heart. She seemed apprehensive of dispute
and contradiction. This apprehension was quickly removed, and she
thenceforth encouraged the discourse. She listened with delight and
eagerness, and her eye, frequently, when my friend's eloquence was most
affecting, appealed to me. It sometimes conveyed a meaning far more
powerful than her brother's lips, and expressed at once the strongest
conviction of the truth of his words, and the most fervent desire that
they might convince me. Her natural modesty, joined, no doubt, to her
disesteem of my character, prevented her from mixing in discourse.
She greeted me at this meeting with a frankness which I did not expect.
A disposition to converse, and attentiveness to the few words that I had
occasion to say, were very evident. I was just then in the most dejected
and forlorn state imaginable. My heart panted for some friendly bosom,
into which I might pour my cares. I had reason to esteem the purity,
sweetness, and amiable qualities of this good girl. Her aversion to me
naturally flowed from these qualities, while an abatement of that aversion
was flattering to me, as the triumph of feeling over judgment.
I should have left her at the door of her lodgings, but she besought me
to go in so earnestly, that my facility, rather than my inclination,
complied. She saw that I was absent and disturbed. I never read compassion
and (shall I say?) good-will in any eye more distinctly than in hers.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account