The conversation for a time was vague and trite. Insensibly, the scenes
lately witnessed were recalled, not without many a half-stifled sigh and
ill-disguised tear on her part. Some arrangements as to the letters and
papers of her brother were suggested. I expressed a wish to have my
letters restored to me; I alluded to those letters, written in the
sanguine insolence of youth and with the dogmatic rage upon me, that have
done me so much mischief with Mrs. Fielder. I had not thought of them
before; but now it occurred to me that they might as well be
destroyed.
This insensibly led the conversation into more interesting topics. I
could not suppress my regret that I had ever written some things in those
letters, and informed her that my view in taking them back was to doom
them to that oblivion from which it would have been happy for me if they
never had been called.
After many tacit intimations, much reluctance and timidity to inquire
and communicate, I was greatly surprised to discover that these letters
had been seen by her; that Mrs. Fielder's character was not unknown to
her; that she was no stranger to her brother's disclosures to that
lady.
Without directly expressing her thoughts, it was easy to perceive that
her mind was full of ideas produced by these letters, by her brother's
discourse, and by curiosity as to my present opinions. Her modesty laid
restraint on her lips. She was fearful, I supposed, of being thought
forward and impertinent.
I endeavoured to dissipate these apprehensions. All about this girl
was, on this occasion, remarkably attractive. I loved her brother, and his
features still survive in her. The only relation she has left is a distant
one, on whose regard and protection she has therefore but slender claims.
Her mind is rich in all the graces of ingenuousness and modesty. The
curiosity she felt respecting me made me grateful as for a token of
regard. I was therefore not backward to unfold the true state of my
mind.
Now and then she made seasonable and judicious comments on what I said.
Was there any subject of inquiry more momentous than the truth of
religion? If my doubts and heresies had involved me in difficulties, was
not the remedy obvious and easy? Why not enter on regular discussions,
and, having candidly and deliberately formed my creed, adhere to it
frankly, firmly, and consistently? A state of doubt and indecision was, in
every view, hurtful, criminal, and ignominious. Conviction, if it were in
favour of religion, would insure me every kind of happiness. It would
forward even those schemes of temporal advantage on which I might be
intent. It would reconcile those whose aversion arose from difference of
opinion; and in cases where it failed to benefit my worldly views, it
would console me for my disappointment.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
Reviews
Reviews
No reviews yet
Be the first to share your thoughts on this work.
Elsewhere in the archive
Join the Discussion
Join the discussion
Sign in to leave a comment or review.
Sign InorCreate an account