He was seized with extreme solicitude on hearing my intelligence. He
could not keep his chair one moment at a time, but walked about the floor
trembling. He called his servant, and directed him, in a faltering voice,
to go to my brother's house and request him to come immediately.
I was sensible that what I had done was violently adverse to my
brother's wishes. Nevertheless, I urged my father to an immediate
explanation, and determined to be present at the conference.
The messenger returned. My brother was not at home. We waited a little
while, and then despatched the messenger again, with directions to wait
till his return. We waited, in vain, till nine; ten; eleven o'clock. The
messenger then came back, informing us that Prank was still abroad. I was
obliged to dismiss the hope of a conference this night, and returned in an
anxious and melancholy mood to Mrs. Fielder's.
On my way, while ruminating on these events, I began to fear that I had
exerted an unjustifiable degree of caution. I knew that those who embark
in pecuniary schemes are often reduced to temporary straits and
difficulties; that ruin and prosperity frequently hang on the decision of
the moment; that a gap may be filled up by a small effort seasonably made,
which, if neglected, rapidly widens and irrevocably swallows up the
ill-fated adventurer.
It was possible that all my brother had said was literally true; that
he merited my confidence in this instance, and that the supply he demanded
would save both him and my father from the ruin that impended over them.
The more I pondered on the subject, the more dissatisfied I became with my
own scruples. In this state of mind I reached home. The servant, while
opening the door, expressed her surprise at my staying out so late,
telling me that my brother had been waiting my return for several hours,
with marks of the utmost impatience. I shuddered at this intelligence,
though just before I had almost formed the resolution of going to his
house and offering him the money he wanted.
I found him in my apartment. "Good God!" cried he; "where have you been
till this time of night?"
I told him frankly where I had been, and what had detained me. He was
thunder-struck. Instead of that storm of rage and invective which I
expected, he grew pale with consternation, and said, in a faint voice,--
"Jane, you have ruined me beyond redemption. Fatal, fatal rashness! It
was enough to have refused me a loan which, though useless to you, is as
indispensable to my existence as my heart's blood. Had you quietly lent me
the trifling pittance I asked, all might yet have been well,--my father's
peace have been saved and my own affairs been completely re-established."
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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