I fully believe that your motive in giving me this timely warning was a
generous one. Yet, in justice to myself and your daughter, I must observe
that the warning was superfluous, since Jane never concealed from me the
true state of her affairs, and since I never imagined you would honour
with your gifts a marriage contracted against your will.
Well do I know the influence of early indulgences. Your daughter is a
strong example of that influence; nor will her union with me, if by that
union she forfeit your favour, be any thing more than a choice among evils
all of which are heavy.
My own education and experience sufficiently testify the importance of
riches, and I should be the last to despise or depreciate their value.
Still, much as habit has endeared to me the goods of fortune, I am far
from setting them above all other goods.
You offer me madam, a large alms. Valuable to me as that sum is, and
eagerly as I would accept it in any other circumstances, yet at present I
must, however reluctantly, decline it. A voyage to Europe and such a sum,
if your daughter's happiness were not in question, would be the utmost
bound of my wishes.
Shall I be able to compensate her? you ask.
No, indeed, madam; I am far from deeming myself qualified to compensate
her for the loss of property, reputation, and friends. I aspire to nothing
but to console her under that loss, and to husband as frugally as I can
those few meagre remnants of happiness which shall be left to us.
I have seen your late letter to her. I should be less than man if I
were not greatly grieved at the contents; yet, madam, I am not cast down
below the hope of convincing you that the charge made against your
daughter is false. You could not do otherwise than believe it. It is for
us to show you by what means you, and probably Talbot himself, have been
deceived.
To suffer your charge to pass for a moment uncontradicted would be
unjust not more to ourselves than to you. The mere denial will not and
ought not to change your opinion. It may even tend to raise higher the
acrimony of your aversion to me. It must ever be irksome to a generous
spirit to deny, without the power of disproving; but a tacit admission of
the charge would be unworthy of those who know themselves innocent.
Beseeching your favourable thoughts, and grateful for the good which,
but for the interference of higher duties, your heart would prompt you to
give and mine would not scruple to accept, I am, &c.
HENRY COLDEN.
Letter XXIV
_To Henry Colden_
Philadelphia, Nov. 2.
Ah, my friend, how mortifying are those proofs of thy excellence? How
deep is that debasement into which I am sunk, when I compare myself with
thee!
It cannot be want of love that makes thee so easily give me up. My
feeble and jealous heart is ever prone to suspect; yet I ought at length
to be above these ungenerous surmises.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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