Everyone suffered but Mr Phineas Cophagus, who never suffered a patient
to escape him. The shop had the usual allowance of green, yellow, and
blue bottles; and in hot weather, from our vicinity, we were visited by
no small proportion of bluebottle flies. We had a white horse in one
window, and a brown horse in the other, to announce to the drovers that
we supplied horse-medicines. And we had all the patent medicines in the
known world, even to the "all-sufficient medicine for mankind" of Mr
Enouy; having which, I wondered, on my first arrival, why we troubled
ourselves about any others. The shop was large, and at the back part
there was a most capacious iron mortar, with a pestle to correspond.
The first floor was tenanted by Mr Cophagus, who was a bachelor; the
second floor was let; the others were appropriated to the housekeeper,
and to those who formed the establishment. In this well-situated
tenement, Mr Cophagus got on swimmingly. I will, therefore, for the
present, sink the shop, that my master may rise in the estimation of the
reader, when I describe his person and his qualifications.
Mr Phineas Cophagus might have been about forty-five years of age when
I first had the honour of an introduction to him in the receiving-room
of the Foundling Hospital. He was of the middle height, his face was
thin, his nose very much hooked, his eyes small and peering, with a
good-humoured twinkle in them, his mouth large, and drawn down at one
corner. He was stout in his body, and carried a considerable
protuberance before him, which he was in the habit of patting with his
left hand very complacently; but although stout in his body, his legs
were mere spindles, so that, in his appearance, he reminded you of some
bird of the crane genus. Indeed, I may say, that his whole figure gave
you just such an impression as an orange might do, had it taken to
itself a couple of pieces of tobacco pipes as vehicles of locomotion.
He was dressed in a black coat and waistcoat, white cravat and high
collar to his shirt, blue cotton net pantaloons and Hessian boots, both
fitting so tight, that it appeared as if he was proud of his spindle
shanks. His hat was broad-brimmed and low, and he carried a stout black
cane with a gold top in his right hand, almost always raising the gold
top to his nose when he spoke, just as we see doctors represented at a
consultation in the caricature prints. But if his figure was strange,
his language and manners were still more so. He spoke, as some birds
fly, in jerks, intermixing his words, for he never completed a whole
sentence, with _um_--_um_--and ending it with "so on," leaving his
hearers to supply the context from the heads of his discourse. Almost
always in motion, he generally changed his position as soon as he had
finished speaking, walking to any other part of the room, with his cane
to his nose, and his head cocked on one side, with a self-sufficient
tiptoe gait.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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