Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“Great or small, it is happiness to know somebody of whom one thinks only
good, about whom one can say: God give her happiness, for she deserves
it—give her all that I never had. She is pure and beautiful, warm-hearted
and sweet, talented and kind. It means happiness to me, dear Jenny, to be
able to pray like this for you. No; it is nothing to be afraid of, little
one.”
He had risen, and she rose too, making a movement as if she were afraid
he would come nearer. Gram stopped and smiled:
“How could you help seeing it—you who are so clever. I thought you saw it
before I understood it myself. It has come quite naturally. My life is
running its course towards old age, inactivity, darkness, death, and I
knew that I should never reach what I have longed for all my life. Then I
met you. You are to me the most glorious woman I have ever known; you had
the same ideals I once had, and you were on the way to attain them. How
could I help crying out in my heart: God help her to succeed. Do not let
her be wasted as I have been!
“You were so sweet to me; you came to see me in my den, and you told me
about yourself. You listened to me, you understood, and your beautiful
eyes were so full of sympathy, so soft and loving. Dearest, are you
crying?” He seized both her hands and pressed them passionately to his
lips:
“Don’t cry, dear; you must not. Why do you cry? You are shivering—tell me
why you are crying like this?”
“It is all so sad,” she sobbed.
“Sit down here.” He was on his knees before her—for a second he rested
his forehead against her knee.
“Do not cry because of me. Do you think for a moment I wish that I had
never met you? If you have loved, and you wish it had never been, you
have not really loved. Believe me, it is so. No, Jenny, not for anything
in the world would I miss what I feel for you!
“And you must not cry about yourself. You will be happy. I know it. Of
all the men who will love you, one will lie at your feet some day, as I
do now, and say that to him it is life itself to be there, and you will
think so too. You will understand that to sit thus with him is the only
happiness to you, even if it were a brief moment of rest after a day
full of toil and hardships, and in the poorest of cottages—a far greater
happiness than if you became the greatest artist that ever existed and
enjoyed the highest measure of fame and praise. Is not that what you
believe yourself?”
“Yes,” she whispered, exhausted with weeping.
“You must not despair of winning that happiness some day. All the time
you are striving to become a true artist and a good and able woman, you
are longing to meet some one who thinks that all you have done to attain
your aim is right and that he loves you for it—is it not so, Jenny?”
She nodded, and Gram kissed her hands reverently.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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