Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
After all, she loved him, and was glad to be with him. Sitting as she had
been a moment ago, resting in his arms, she was happy. He was the only
one in the world who had taken her on his knee, warming her and hiding
her and calling her his little girl. He was the only being who had stood
by her really—so why should she not be close to him?
When he held her close to him and hid her so that she saw nothing,
but only felt that he had his arms round her and warmed her, she was
contented. She could not do without him, so why not give him the little
she had to give, when he gave her what she needed most of all?
He could kiss her, do with her what he liked, provided he did not speak,
for then they drew so far apart. He spoke of love, but her love was not
what he believed it to be, and she could not explain it in words. It was
no grace or princely gift—she clung to him with a poor, begging love;
she did not want him to thank her for it, only to be fond of her and say
nothing.
When he came back she was lying with her eyes wide open, but she closed
them under his discreet caresses, smiling a little; then she put her arms
round his neck and pressed close to him. The faint scent of violet that
he used was mild and agreeable. She nodded slightly when he lifted her up
with questioning eyes. He wanted to say something, but she put her hand
across his mouth and then kissed him so that he could not speak.
* * * * *
He saw her to the car. She remained an instant standing on the platform,
looking after him as he walked down the street in the blue light of a May
night. Then she went in and sat down.
Gram had left his wife that Christmas, and lived alone in the office
building, where he had taken another room. Jenny understood that he was
going to get a separation later on when Rebecca Gram had seen that he
was not coming back to her. It was his way of doing it; he had not the
strength to break with her at once.
Jenny dared not think of what his plans for the future might be. Did he
think they would marry?
She could not deny to herself that she had never for a second thought of
binding herself to him for good, and that was why she felt the bitter,
hopeless humiliation and shame at the thought of him when she was not
with him and could hide in his love. She had deceived him—all the time
she had deceived him.
“That you have learnt to love me, Jenny, that is what I call an
inconceivable grace”—was it her fault that he looked upon it in that way?
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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