Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
Gunnar opened the window in his room. The moon shone on an ochre-yellow
wall opposite, with closed shutters and black iron balconies. Behind it
rose Pincio, with sharply outlined dark masses of foliage against the
blue moonlit sky. Below him were old moss-covered roofs, and where the
dark shadow of the house ended some washing was hung out to dry on a
terrace farther down. He was leaning on the windowsill, disgusted and
sad. He was not very particular in general, but to see Jenny in such
a state. Ugh! And it was more or less his own fault; she had been so
melancholy the first months of her return—like a wounded bird—and to
cheer her up a little he had persuaded her to join the party, thinking
of course that he and she would amuse themselves by watching the others
only, never for a moment suspecting that it would have such an effect
on her. He heard her come out from her room and go on to the roof. He
hesitated a moment, then followed her.
She was sitting in the only chair, behind the little corrugated-iron
summer-house. The pigeons cooed sleepily in the dovecot above.
“Why have you not gone to bed? You will be cold up here.” He fetched her
shawl from the summer-house and handed it to her, sitting down between
the flower-pots on the top of the wall. They sat quietly staring at the
city and the church domes that seemed floating in the moonlit mist. The
outlines of distant hills were completely obliterated.
Jenny was smoking. Gunnar lit a cigarette.
“I can hardly stand anything now, it seems—in the way of drink, I mean.
It affects me at once,” she said apologetically.
He understood that she was quite herself again.
“I think you might leave it off altogether for a time, and not smoke—at
least not so much. You know you have complained of your heart.”
She did not answer.
“I know that you agree with me about those people, and I cannot think how
you could condescend to associate with them—in the way you did.”
“One is sometimes in need of—well, of a narcotic,” she said quietly. “And
as to condescending....” He looked into her white face; her fair fluffy
hair shone in the moonlight. “Sometimes I think it does not matter,
though now—at this moment—I feel ashamed, but then I am extraordinarily
sober just now, you see,” she said, smiling. “I am not always, although I
have not taken anything, and in those moments I feel ready for any kind
of revels.”
“It is dangerous, Jenny,” he said, and again after a pause: “I think
it was disgusting tonight—I cannot call it anything else. I have seen
something of life; I know what it leads to. I would not like to see you
come down and end as something like Loulou.”
“You can be quite easy in your mind about me, Gunnar. I am not going to
end that way. I don’t really like it, and I know where to stop.”
He sat looking at her.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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