Adultery -- Fiction; Artists -- Fiction; Illegitimate children -- Fiction; Painters -- Fiction; Young women -- Fiction
“No.” She bent her head, tired, smiling sadly: “I have done with love; I
don’t want to have anything more to do with it. I am tired, and I wish
you would go, Helge.”
But he did not move.
“I cannot realize now when I see you again that it is all over. I never
would believe it. I have been thinking so much of it, I suppose it was
my own fault. I was so timid, I never knew what was the right thing to
do. Everything might have been quite different. I have often remembered
the last evening I was with you in Rome, and it seemed always that such
an occasion would present itself again, for I left you then because I
thought it was right. Surely, that could not have been the cause of my
losing you? I had never been near a woman then,” he said, looking down.
“I was warned by what I had seen at home. Dreams and fancies became a
hell at times, but that fear was always paramount.
“I am twenty-nine and there has been no beautiful or happy experience in
my life but that short spring spent with you. Can you not understand that
I have never been able to separate you from my thoughts, that I love you
as before? The only happiness I have known is that you gave me. I cannot
let you go out of my life—not now.”
She got up, trembling, and he rose too. Instinctively she drew back a few
steps from him:
“Helge, there has been another.”
He stood still, looking at her.
“You say there has been another—and it could have been I. I don’t care; I
want you all the same. I want you now because you promised me once to be
mine.”
Terrified, she tried to go past him, but he seized her violently in his
arms. It took a few seconds for her brain to realize that he was kissing
her mouth. She thought she made a resistance, but was in fact almost
passive in his arms. She wanted to tell him not to, and she wanted to say
who the other had been, but she could not. She would have told him about
the child, but when she remembered the boy she shrank from mentioning
him; she felt she must not drag her child into the disaster she knew was
coming. As this thought crossed her mind she imagined she felt the dead
little one caressing her, and it gave her a sensation of joy, so that her
body relaxed for a second in his arms.
“You are mine—mine only—yes, yes, Jenny!”
She tore herself away from him and, running to the door, she called aloud
for Gunnar. Helge was at her side again in an instant, taking her back in
his arms.
They wrestled with each other by the door without a word. It seemed to
Jenny that her life depended on her opening it and escaping into Gunnar’s
room, but feeling Helge close to her, stronger than she, as he held her,
it seemed to her that there was no escape—and at last she gave way.
* * * * *
In the grey morning light, he came over to her to kiss her:
“My glorious Jenny. How wonderfully beautiful you are. You are mine now,
and everything will come right, will it not? Oh, I love you so.
Public-domain text, read in full here on John Shaqi.
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